Monday, Day 5 after 4th chemo

I heard from the doctor late on Friday about my MRI. The good news is that they did NOT find any cancer or anything like that. The bad news is that I have Disc Disease and need to see my regular doctor for that. That's all I know right now until I see my other doctor . . . oh the joys!!!!!

I'm not feeling to good today, so I won't be writing much. I did want to share some photos I took on Saturday while I was out messing around in my yard . . . . before I started feeling like crapola!!

4 down, 2 to go

I had my 4th chemo treatment yesterday. It was a very long day. I got to the cancer center at 11am for blood work, then a visit with the doctor, who was running very late, so chemo ran late and then I had to get an MRI done on my lower back. I didn't get home until 7pm!!

One thing the doc is doing different this time is he's not having me take the Nulasta Shot like usual. My white blood counts have been really good and he wants to see if it makes a difference in the bone pain I've been having after each treament. So hopefully I won't be in bed for 3 days feeling like total crud like before. But I will really have to monitor my temperature and see the doctor in the next week or so to have blood test to make sure my white blood count doesn't drop too much since I'm not getting the shot.


I am pretty pooped today. The effects of the chemo do get stronger with each treatment and seem to hit sooner each time. By last night my coffee was already tasting like crap!!


I talked to a lady in the waiting room yesterday. She was really nice and we started talking about the hair loss stuff. She is done with chemo and her hair has grown back, etc. I still have my eyebrows which is a really cool thing because people look really weird without eyebrows!! But I started out with really thick eyebrows and although they are still there, they are thinner. This lady told me yesterday that she had her eyebrows up until her 6th and last chemo treatment and then they fell out!!! GREAT!! Oh well, I'll just try to be happy that I don't have to shave my pits or legs for a while.


My chemo brain must be kicking in because I just went back and corrected about 10 typos in the above stuff and that's just not like me. So if something sounds weird because I typed it wrong or left out a word, please try to understand!!


Ok, time for a nap, or least I hope so. I'm finding out that steroids I'm taking not only make it hard for me to sleep sometimes, they are also the cause or possible cause of many other not so fun symptoms I am having. BUT, I'm not having a problem with nausea and vomiting which are my 2 least favorite things in the world, so they are working in that respect,so I'll try again not to complain too much. To clarify, if needed, the steroids are in the anti-nausea drugs that I take.

Keeping a positive attitude, like most other things is getting harder with each chemo treatment. But, I'm hanging in there and trying my best to keep my head up and remind myself that this is only temporary, this is only temporary!! Oh yeah, I talked to the nurse about the increadibly emotional days I've been having after chemo and she said that can also be caused by the STEROIDS!!! It's good to know that I'm not just going nuts, there is a reason for it, which helps just a little bit. But dang it's hard to get through those days, emotions can be so overwhelming, as well as very draining!!

OK, I'm going to hit the bed now and try to get some rest. I hope you are all doing well and that you are able to fully enjoy the upcoming weekend. This will be the first year in many that I won't be attending our local county fair . . . that's kind of hard for me to even think about, as it's been a pretty big part of my photography and life for the last few years. Oh well, who knows, maybe I'll get a burst of energy and head over there for a little bit . . . . . there is always wishful thinking!!

Keep Smilin'

Hugs,

Wendy

Rough Day Today

I'm getting to where I am really not liking this at ALL. I know it's temporary and it's for the best and it will be over at some point, but right now I'm not liking it!! I've been feeling OK, but last night my back/pelvic/hips area started aching so bad I could not get comfortable and it took for ever to get to sleep!! Today I was very exhausted and my back was killing me. It doesn't hurt if I do anything particular, it just hurts constantly. A deep, ache that also goes down the back of my legs.

Anyway, I called the doctor and he gave me some pain pills and a muscle relaxer that I need insurance approval for, so it will be a couple days before I get that. Thank goodness the pain pills are working!!!!!! My back feels so much better and I hope I'll sleep tonight and be able to function somewhat tomorrow!!

The doctor doesn't just want to treat the pain I'm having but he wants to try and find out what is causing it. The scheduling lady is supposed to call me to set up an appointment for an MRI to check things out.

I am feeling a bit useless these days as I'm not able to accomplish much and at the same time I have very little ambition. I'm bored but lack the energy and/or desire to do much. It's a viscous cycle!!

Here is another photo or two that I will leave you with.

Keep Smilin'

Hugs,

Wendy

Quick notes & pictures

Hello everyone,

Well, not a whole lot going on so far this week. I've been feeling ok . . . . not great, but not too bad either, so it's been nice.

I did not sleep last night and it was about 6am before I went back to bed and finally got some sleep. But I'm not sure if it was enough because now I feel like I need a nap and I've only been up for a couple hours.

Our county fair starts next week. I've been the photographer for that for the last couple of years and just about live at the fairgrounds for 5 days. But of course I won't be doing that this year. BUT, the Friday of the fair there is a rodeo and it's Tough Enough to Wear Pink day. They will have breast cancer survivors riding in a wagon pulled by draft horses with Smokey the Bear and I have been asked if I would like to ride in the wagon!! I have chemo on Thursday, the day before, so I think I would be able to do this since I don't usually start feeling bad for a couple of days, so I think this could be really fun.

Since I was up early this morning, cuz' I never went to sleep, I went out and there was another deer under the apple tree. I was able to get my camera a take some photos. Although these images look like it was pretty light out, it was still a little dark and I was shoot over a 6ft chain link fence. Because of a little camera shake I got the below image which I think looks like an artsy painting and I totally LOVE it. I think you can click on it for a larger view.

While taking pics of the deer Spooky and Cowboy had to come over and visit me at the fence. Then they started scratching each other!!

Made it through another week!!

Well, it's very late Thursday or actually very early Friday morning . . . about 1AM. I'm having trouble sleeping again and have to wonder if its because for 3-4 days after chemo that's about all I did . . . I slept more than ever before.

This last week has been a lot like the others after chemo. The body aches kick in and I don't do much but rest and/or sleep . . . like I said above . . . . I slept a lot this time. My mouth got bad again, so I took the lozenges . . . but they haven't seemed to help as much as before. I also got a yeast infection this time and I have another small but painful cyst on my pantie line area!!

My mom came over yesterday and she gave me the most wonderful foot rub . . . .Thank you mom!!!

I did sleep in this morning but no nap today. I spent hours cleaning my office which was a major undertaking!! I've also been really busy making changes to my other website . . . http://www.theequinespirit.com/ Please check it out :) And think about it when it's time to start shopping for Christmas . .or someones birthday . . . . or anniversary . . . or if you just want a little something special for yourself. 10% of all proceeds from sales on that site will be donated to breast cancer research!!

Wednesday morning I was up really early . . . after it got light out I went outside for a minute. I looked and there was a deer in with my horses. I stood real still and just watched it for a while. It went through the fence to an apple tree that is close by and I watched as this deer kept getting up on his hind legs and taking apples from the tree!! I just couldn't stand it anymore so I went inside to get my camera . . . . well when I got back out there the deer was gone!!!! Since I had my camera and wanted to wait a bit in case the deer came back, I took some pictures of my flowers. Here are a couple that I think look really pretty and wanted to share them with you all.
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Chemo Sucks . . . yep, I said it!!

Well, it's definitely getting worse as time goes on. I had chemo 2 days ago, yesterday I got the nulasta shot, by yesterday afternoon I was in bed feeling pretty rough. I got up for dinner . . . wasn't hungry, but knew I had to eat something. Went back to bed and tried to rest. Before I knew it the emotions hit. First it starts with my brain going over every stressful, awful, emotional thing that has ever happened to me, well maybe not every thing . . that would put me over the edge for sure. So far I'm just close to the edge!!! Everything from feeling sorry for myself to being really pissed off!!! It's amazing how much tears and snot the body can produce!!! Where does it all come from?!?!?!?


No need to worry, I'm better today, but wanted to share some of this.

Last night the hot flashes and cold sweats hit really hard. It was so hard to get comfortable, hot and sweaty one minute, freezing the next. It's hard when all you want to do is go to SLEEP!!!

I can't imagine being any less of a strong and positive person and being able to get through these tough times.

I want to write more but there are so many thoughts and emotions going through my head, that as I type it, it doesn't make sense or sound right.



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It is now almost 8pm, I've been able to get some rest today, but it's been rough. The emotions hit me again really hard this afternoon. . . . wow, the body is an amazing and powerful force!!

Don't ever let anyone tell you this chemo stuff isn't too bad. I know they've come a million miles in the treatment and I couldn't imagine what it must have been like to go through this 15, 10 or even 5 years ago, but let me tell you it's still no walk in the park. It effects every aspect of your life and the lives of your family. And I know I have it much better than some, so I try not to complain too much, but I've got to get it out of my system and then I can be thankful for everything else.

OK, the chemo brain is kicking in and I'm loosing focus, so I better call it a night. Plus I don't want to say too much while I'm so emotional and feeling like crap . . . oh yeah, the nulasta shot has kicked in so now I have the body aches too.

But again, I'm not having a whole lot of other possible side effects, so I have to be and am very thankful for that . . . . very Thankful!!!! I'm so blessed in so many ways and I have to remember that and things could always be worse. And this to shall pass . . . . and this too shall pass.

I'm sorry if I don't make sense sometimes, I hope you will all try to understand. I thank you all so much for reading my blog and for your support!!!!

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy