For the most part I'm being very positive about all of this. I go through the days and just don't think too much about it, it's just the way it is right now. Then, especially after treatment, I "think" about it. Last night was a little hard as I got pretty emotional, but not as bad as last time. I sat in bed and really thought about what I'm going through. Thank goodness I don't do this often, but I'm sure it wouldn't be normal if I didn't think about these things. Luckily I'm too busy most of the time to "think" about it all, but not after chemo, 'cuz, there's not much else I can do!! I have breast cancer. I have breast cancer. I really, really have breast cancer!!!!! WOW, sometimes it's still hard for me to totally realize this. I've had 2 operations, I'm missing almost 1/2 of my right breast, I've lost my hair, I'm going through chemo, I'm going through chemo, then I'll go through radiation. Then who knows what?!?!?!?! Do not get me wrong . . . . I am NOT complaining . . . I'm just stating the facts. Facts that I have a hard time believing sometimes. Remember, this stuff happens to other people, not to "me" or "you", right??? Wrong . . . now I'm "other people"!!!! and sometimes this just hits me harder than other times.
But the minute I think I might be complaining I've got to counter it, because I am so Blessed in so many ways. It could be much worse . . . . and I am fully aware that there are so many out there that have it much, much worse than me. Just thinking about this makes me cry. A couple of weeks ago I was outside the grocery store and I passed a man in a wheelchair that had no legs. I moved over so he could get by and he said "thank you". I just wanted to grab him and hug him and ball my eyes out. I sit here now crying as I think about this. Yep, I'm just a LITTLE emotional today!! One thing I struggle with in all of this is how it effects my family members. I sometimes feel bad that they have to go through this with me. Again, I am so fortunate and blessed that I have such a wonderful, supportive family. My mom, my sister, my brother, my nieces, my aunt, my kids, my hubby, my friends, anyone reading this . . . . . everyone!!!!!!!!!!
It's that time of year to get hay for the horses. My hubby Rick is NOT a horse person and he doesn't quite understand that I don't ride my horses, but he totally supports me in having them. Yesterday he went and got 4 ton of hay for me. This is only part of what I need, so we'll do this a couple more times, but 4 ton is all that will fit in his dump truck. Yep, he gets my hay in his dump truck!! Bet you don't see too many dump trucks around hauling hay!!!!!!! Anyway, these bales are 95 pounds each and 4 ton equals 86 of them!!!! My daughter Chelsea and her friend Arika and the neighbor boy helped Rick get all this stacked in the barn for me. For me, for me, for me!!!! It was really hard for me because all I could do, well, all Rick would let me do is "supervise" and count the bales. Mom, if you read this, put your slipper away, I didn't do any work!!! (I love you)!!!!
Well, Chemo Brain, as they call it, just kicked in. I have gone totally blank on what I was thinking and writing about!!!! The pain meds are kicking in too so that doesn't help. I just can't say enough about how Blessed I really am. God is amazing and He has a plan and just knowing that makes things a lot easier to deal with. I'm giving you all a "virtual" group hug . . . . I love you and thank you for reading and commenting on my blog!!!!! I'll leave you know with a picture of me in my new wig.
Keep Smilin'Love and Hugs,
Wendy
1 comment:
Oooh, that is a nice style! Great picture! Just remember I am thinking about you and you are in my prayers.
love you so much!
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