Wendy's Personal Journey

Merry Christmas

2009-12-22T22:40:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Before the week gets to much busier with Christmas just a few days away, I want to take a minute and wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas!!!!!

I also want to thank everyone who has followed my blog and my journey with breast cancer. Things are getting to a point and have been for a little while that there is not much to report. This is a good thing :)

December 18th was one year since I totally completed cancer treatment. I am cancer free, but still suffer from fatigue and some lower back/pelvic pain. I am very, very thankful to have made it through all of this as a Survivor!!!!

I will keep this blog up for a while but I probably won't post much unless something new comes up, but we'll hope it does not!!!

Please feel free to email me if you ever want to and you can always check my photo blog for current stuff I'm working on. Here is a link for easy access if you are interested Wild Spirit Photo

Again, thank you all and God Bless,
Wendy

Photos of my Granddaughter-Paige

2009-11-10T21:03:00.001-08:00

Hello Everyone,

There is not much to report as far as my health goes. I see the doctor in a couple of weeks and have some test scheduled. I'll let you know how that all turns out, closer to the end of the month. I was just thinking and realized that next month on Dec 18th, it will be a whole year since I finished all my cancer treatment. WOW, it's amazing how fast time flies!!!!

The below photos are one of the many reasons I am so grateful for being a cancer survivor and also for finishing up my treatment when I did.

My granddaughter Paige . . .

I took some photos of my granddaughter last week and want to share them with you all. She is the cutest, sweetest thing and I just love her soooo much.

Whenever I would get the camera out and take photos of her she would get real serious and not smile or anything. Well, that all changed last week and I'm so glad it did. She was actually quite the ham and seemed to have a real good time!!!

These first photos are before she started smiling for the camera. She is wearing her bunny outfit for Halloween.

You can click on an image to view a larger version of it, then just click your "back" button to return to this page.

Quite the little Model :)

Sitting up with a little help

I think she's ready to be done with photos!!!

The next day, this is when she started smiling and making all kinds of goofy faces for the camera!!!!

These are a little serious
I love the bottom one!!

The below collage shows the many silly faces
she was making for me. She was all messy from
eating her cereal and seemed to love it!!

More smiles and funny faces!!!

What beautiful eyes she has!!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

I'm going to have money to donate!!!!

2009-10-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

As I previously mentioned I will be donating a percent of net profit sales from my photo business for the month of October, since October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Although the month is not over yet, I am happy to report that I have been getting orders from my photo business and I'm calculating the figures and will be making a donation on or around November 1st!!!!

Once the final numbers are in, I will post the info on here. I know it won't be a huge amount, but I'm very excited to donate whatever I am able and I realize that even small donations add up and can make a difference!!!

Well, I better get going . . . . I have some more orders to work on. For any Draft Show people who have placed orders this month, making it possible for me to make a donation, I Thank You!!!

Remember, anyone can go to my Passionately Pink for the Cure page and make a donation!!!! The link to my page is in my previous post. If you have any questions, please just ask!!!

I may write again before the end of the month but in case I don't, I want to wish everyone a fun and safe Halloween!!!

The below image is one I took many, many years ago when my children were small.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2009-10-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

October is a huge month for breast cancer as it's the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Although fund raising occurs throughout the year, there is a huge push during the month of October.

Again this year I have joined the Passionately Pink for the Cure program in hopes of helping to raise money for breast cancer research.

You all know how important this is to me. I can't imagine where I'd be today if it were not for all the donations people have made in the past, that have made incredible improvements in the testing, diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer.

Therefore I feel it only right that I do my part to help others in any way I can. The donations we make will help fund research that could save more lives and possibly find a cure for this horrid disease that effects more people than most of us realize.

I will be donating 10% of profits from all sales from my website Wild Spirit Photo during the month of October 2009!!! If you are not interested or able to make a purchase, you can simply make a donation yourself!!!

Here is a link to my Passionately Pink for the Cure Personal Fund Raising Page. There you can make a donation, learn more about the program, etc.

If you have any questions about this, please do not hesitate to ask!!!

Thank you and
Keep Smilin'

Wendy

Quick Update

2009-09-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I'm sorry, I realize now that I said I'd write and let you know how things went at the hospital regarding my kidney infection.

I ended up going back a total of 3 times for antibiotics. The first 2 were through an IV and the 3rd one I opted for a shot in the hip. It was supposed to be a much quicker treatment, getting me out of there sooner, but it didn't end up that way. One thing about the ER is that you never want to be in a hurry when you go there!!!!!!!!!!

Thank goodness that within a couple days after the last treatment I was feeling much better. I saw my regular doctor on Monday to get my urine re-tested to make sure the infection was gone, as recommended by the hospital. The infection is gone but he said I still have some blood in my urine and it may just be the tail end of the infection but he wants me to get it checked at the lab next week where they can do a more thorough testing on it.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Sandpoint, ID for the big North Idaho Draft Horse and Mule International Show. I've been their photographer for several years, except last year when I was going through treatment. I committed to this years show much earlier this year when I thought I'd surly be feeling a whole lot better by now where the fatigue and weakness is concerned. This is a 3 1/2 day show with 2 of the days being about 14 1/2 hours long!!!!!!!!!! I'm already exhausted just trying to get ready for it!! I keep telling myself . . . I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!!!!! Wish me luck.

If I get a chance I'll post while I'm up there and let you know how it's going, but if not, I'll post for sure once I've recovered from the show and post a couple pictures too.

Oh, speaking of pictures, I just did some new one's of my granddaughter Paige so I will leave you with a collage I did with some of those photos. Hope you enjoy!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Been Sick with a Kidney Infection

2009-09-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

Boy has it been a rough week!!! Last Sunday I felt the first signs of a urinary tract infection . . .burning when I went to the bathroom. It only happened once and then went away. Monday it happened a couple of times and then stopped again. I called to make an appointment with my doctor but he only had one opening and was at the same time I was supposed to be at my oncologist.

Tuesday morning I was feeling pretty bad so I canceled my oncologist appointment and went to the immediate care center for my bladder. At this time the only symptom I had was burning when I went and needing to go A LOT!!! I got a prescription for antibiotics and was on my way.

By Thursday afternoon I was feeling worse, much worse. Now my bladder and kidney were hurting and having muscle spasms every 5-6 seconds. I went back to the doctor and he changed my medicine saying what I was taking obviously wasn't working. By this time I was feeling really, really bad and it hurt to even walk!! The doctor said he was going to send some of my urine in for a culture.

By Saturday afternoon I was even worse!!!! I felt so awful and it felt like my kidney was going to explode, it hurt so bad. I had my hubby take me to the Emergency Room at the hospital. They hooked me up to some liquids, did some blood test and were able to look up the results of my urine culture the other doctor had sent in. Ends up I have a type of kidney infection that is resistant to 3 different antibiotics, 2 of which I'd already been given. So they put in an IV and gave me a different antibiotic through the IV and wrote me a new prescription for pills that should work this time.

The doctor mentioned me staying the night at the hospital and the look on my face must not have been a good one, so then he said OR you can come back tomorrow for another IV antibiotic. I said I'd come back 'cuz, I did not want to stay the night there. While I was a the hospital my temperature spiked to 103.6

Well I went in yesterday for my 2nd dose of IV antibiotics and because I wasn't much better than the day before the doctor wanted me to come in the next day for another IV dose!!!! Although my kidney was not killing me like the day before, but I guess my blood pressure was pretty low, which they say is better than being high, but still not sure why it was so low.

So I woke up this morning feeling like crap. I took my temperature, not bad, it was 100.1. I had a cup of coffee, took all my medicine and got ready to go back for another dose of IV antibiotics. During check in the nurse gets all my vitals . . temp, blood pressure, etc. My blood pressure was back to normal but I was shocked when he said my temp was 103!!! When the doctor came in to see me he said he wants me to come back AGAIN tomorrow for another IV dose. Oh my gosh this is getting old and frustrating, but still better than staying at the hospital. He said he doesn't know why my temp is still so high but he doesn't want to stop the IV antibiotics until I no longer have a temperature.

So, all I can say is I better not have a temperature tomorrow or I might just scream!!!!!! What a wasted week this has been!!!

I'll write again and let you know what happens tomorrow.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Vacation Photos - - Lots of Photos!!

2009-08-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

I had a great time on our vacation to South Dakota. I hate to admit it, but I didn't realize just how much "history" that part of the country holds. It was very fun and educational. We broke the drive there into 2 days and stayed the first night in Billings Montana. The next morning before heading to Hill City, where we stayed in South Dakota, we went to Zoo Montana. Zoo Montana is a non profit, natural habitat zoo. Some of the images below are from Zoo Montana.

We stayed at a really nice, comfortable hotel in Hill City with owners that are really down to earth and terrific people, it's called the Lantern Inn. It's not a fancy place, but very clean, very friendly and like I said the owners Charlie and Janet are the best!!! Hill City was a perfect place to stay as all the great attractions we wanted to see where all in close proximity.

We hit about 2-3 attractions a day while staying in Hill City. We stayed there for 3 days before heading back home. We visited the following attractions and towns; Mount Rushmore, Keystone, Rapid City, Sturgis, Deadwood and Lead, which are both old mining towns. My hubby is an ex miner so this was great for him to visit. We rode a tram to the top of a mountain and could see Mt Rushmore from there also. We visited the South Dakota Air and Space Museum, the boys (hubby and step-son) really enjoyed this. We went to the Reptile Gardens and saw many, many reptiles!!! I do NOT like reptiles, but it was still very interesting.

And last but not least, was my favorite thing of the whole trip . . . we went to Bear Country USA. If you have never been there, it's a must see if you are ever in the area!!! This is a drive through wild animal park. The animals roam around free and you have to stay in your vehicle. At times the animals would be in the road and/or crossing the road and you just get to sit and watch them and take pictures, etc., until they decide to move. Unless you are the big black bear that seemed to like licking the dead bugs off of peoples front bumpers. One of the workers had to come in his truck and make the bear move out of the road so people could continue on. At the end you park and get to go to Baby Land and see some other animals and the baby bears!!!!

I am such an animal lover to begin with and I can't tell you how much I enjoyed seeing such a variety of animals all in one place. Most of them I would probably never see in my lifetime if I had not gone to Bear Country USA.

Below are some of the pictures I want to share with you and I've written above them where they were taken.

Reptile Gardens

Bear Country USA.
This little guy was amazing and
I couldn't get enough of him!!!
He was up about 20-30 feet in a tree
sitting on a small branch and sleeping
most of the time. He woke up for a minute
looked around and went back to sleep.

Sleeping. He is so relaxed,
not a care in the world!!!

Soooooo Cute!!!! Look at those ears!!!

Another cutie!!

Momma Buffalo nursing her baby.
This and the next few images were taken
as we drove through the wild animals.

A Black Bear enjoying the water.

Arctic Wolf.
There were 2 young wolves,
probably a year old that were
running and playing and having a
great time. They ran back and forth across
the road several times, jumping on
each other and having a blast.
They were so fast that I was not able to
get a photo of the two of them together,
but they put on quite a show for all of us
that were watching!!

Rocky Mt. Elk

Mount Rushmore Photos
This gentleman worked on
Mt Rushmore from 1938 to 1940.
I bought a book he wrote with
Q&A about the making of Mt Rushmore.
If you purchased a book,
he signed it inside for you.

What a piece of history!!!

Me at Mt Rushmore.
Although I live in Idaho
I was born in Washington so I
thought it would be cool to have
a photo with the info about
the state of Washington.

Mount Rushmore

Zoo Montana Photos
Bald Eagle

Siberian Tiger

Old Wagon Wheels

Old Wagon

I hope you enjoyed seeing the photos as much as I enjoyed taking them :)

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Update before leaving on Vacation

2009-08-11T17:24:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone,

We are leaving in the morning, heading to Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota. I wanted to write an update since I saw my oncologist today.

He decided to take me off the study drug for the next 3 weeks and see if that is what might be causing the pain I'm having. If the pain gets better when I'm not taking the drugs, then I probably won't go back on them. If the pain does not get any better, then we can rule out the study drug as the cause.

He is also doing a blood test to check my thyroid, to see if it may be causing the fatigue I'm having, although he says I do not fit the physical profile of most people who's thyroid is causing them fatigue.

He also said I should talk to my primary doctor about possible chronic fatigue syndrome since he doesn't think my fatigue should be this bad, this long after chemo.

Just FYI, I can't remember how much I said about my fatigue before, but it is still really bad. I have tried to resume my photography business, but it's just impossible. There is soooo much I still cannot do and if I try and do it anyway, then I pay for it for days!!!!! I'm not anemic or any other blood test problems. I eat well and I get enough sleep, etc., etc.

I have paid attention to it pretty well for a while and I figure that if I don't over do it I have about 2-3 hours a day that are productive, after that I can't get much done. So I usually work on my flower gardens and water the yard OR I clean the house OR I go to town to run errands or have appointments. Today I left the house at 1pm and didn't get home till 4:30pm. I saw my doctor and made 3 other quick stops to get items needed before we leave tomorrow. These were not strenuous task but by the time I got home I was toast!!!!!! Anyway, the point I was trying to make is the "OR" part. I cannot do more than one semi physical activity a day without paying for it later.

I'm trying to finalize packing for tomorrow and get things in order for my daughter who will be staying here and taking care of the dogs, horses, etc., while we are gone. Thank goodness we have her to be able to do this for us or we would never be able to leave!!!

Please wish me luck in having enough energy to be able to fully enjoy our vacation. I figure if I get too tired I'll send the boys out site seeing and I'll just lay by the pool!!!!!

Ok, one more thing. The doctor finally had a cancer marker blood test done one me. I asked him about this today. He said my levels are a little high, nothing to be concerned with though. And since there is nothing to compare it to, the levels may be very normal for me. He will continue to do these test on a regular basis and then he'll be able to determine if the readings are normal for me. There are lots of other factors that effect peoples cancer markers, besides cancer itself, so I am not going to worry about this at all. The only thing that does bother me and I don't understand . . . . why did he never do this test before and have readings from when I did have cancer to compare it to? Hmmm, I don't know, but then a lot of things don't make sense to me, but there is still so much about it all that I don't know.

Just one more quick note . . . . I'm not complaining, I'm just noting, if that makes any sense :)

I have lost a lot of weight since stopping treatment. At first I wasn't going to put the actual poundage in the post, but what the heck. When I first saw my oncologist last May I weighed more than I ever have, except during pregnance, 149 lbs., during chemo I gained about 8 lbs., (it's normal for women to gain weight during chemo, I think it's due to the steroids in the antinausea drugs, they make you hungry!!!). So by the time I finished chemo I weighed 157 lbs, more than ever in my life!!!!!

I have noticed since chemo stopped that the pounds have slowely been dropping. I did have major dental work done, which did affect my eating habits for a bit, but it has been a while since that happened, so it really can't be blamed for my continued weight loss. Today at the doctors I weighed 129 pounds !!!!! Again, I'm not complaining, what woman ever complains about loosing weight!?!?!?!?!? That is 20 lbs lighter than my pre treatment weight and 28 lbs lighter than my post treatment weight. WOW.

OK, better finish getting ready for our trip now.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

I'm sorry for not posting for so long!!

2009-08-09T03:50:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I just don't know where the time has gone and I'm so sorry for not posting anything for a while.

I'm doing ok, kind of the same as I have been for a while . . . . still lots of fatigue, weakness and some pain.

I did get to see my new doctor just over a month ago. He prescribed some mild pain meds and sleeping pills, so the pain is more manageable and some nights I fall right to sleep :)

Other nights, like tonight, (it's almost 4 am) I am not able to sleep at all, even though I am so tired!!! It's very frustrating!!!!

One thing that has been hard for me lately is that although the cancer is gone and I'm a survivor, I don't always feel like one. Although we kicked cancer's butt, it, or at least the treatment to kill it, sure kicked my butt too!!! And then, as soon as I complain about it, I feel terrible for doing so because I know there are so many that haven't survived, who would be more than willing to deal with the issues I'm having as a survivor.

I just didn't know that I'd feel so bad for so long. I am still not able to do so many things and/or not able to do them for very long. Although I've done a few photos here and there, I have not been able to pursue my photography as the business that I worked so very hard for, for 2 years before being diagnosed with cancer.

We are going on vacation next week and although I am really looking forward to it, I'm also worried about what kind of toll it's going to take on my body. I spent a few hours today with my hubby going places to try and find a canopy for the truck before our vacation. We were not able to find one yet and by the time we got home I was totally wiped out and my legs were really hurting.

I just don't get it. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you a couple things about my new doctor. First, I really like him a lot. He is very thorough and explains things very, very well. Because we are not sure why I am still having the pain in my pelvis and legs, he first ordered some x-rays which turned out normal, so then I had a full body bone scan done. That also turned out to be normal, which is really great in that there is nothing obvious going on that is causing the pain, but that also means we don't know why I'm hurting.

I see my oncologist next week, just before going on vacation. I see him every 3 months now, so it's been a while and I'm looking forward to seeing him again. I am going to ask and make sure it's not the study drug I'm taking that is causing the pain . . . . who knows!! I went in Thursday for my blood test, which I have to do before each appointment with my oncologist. During treatment is was to monitor how my body was handling the chemo, now it's to monitor how my body is handling the study drug.

One blood test that I have not had done in the past, and it may seem weird, as it did to me at first, is a Cancer Marker test or sometimes called Tumor Marker test. I did some research about these blood test and I guess they don't always do them on some types of breast cancer. There are other patients with other types of cancers that these test are extremely important for.

I had asked my doctor about these test a long time ago . . . . If he was every going to do them. I remember him saying yes, but that was about it. I am almost 100% sure that he's never ordered a cancer marker test for me and I was worried about this, until I did the research and talked to some other breast cancer patients with similar cancer as mine, who also said they never had the test done.

Well, and here is what I'm getting at . . . . when I got the blood test done on Thursday I looked at the paperwork and noticed a "code" that was not familiar. I asked the technician if she knew what it was and she said it's a Cancer Marker test. I do not understand the whole process and/or why he would be doing that now, but I will talk to him about it on Tuesday and find out more.

It's almost 5 am now and I'm sure I've just been rambling on, so I do hope it makes some sense. I've got some things I've got to get done later today so I hope I'm able to get some sleep soon!!!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Baby Deer

2009-07-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

This has nothing to do with cancer or my health, except that it makes me feel really good and I wanted to share it with you.

This past week I have seen several momma deer and their new babies in the area that I live. Of course I never have my camera with me, but I get so excited to see these cute little things. And I mean little, the one's I've been seeing are not very old and are only maybe 2 feet tall at the shoulders.

We have deer go through our property on a regular basis and one female that is a loner, has been a regular at our place for over a year now. I was able to get a photo of her under an apple tree by my barn last June and have seen her several times recently.

The babies that I've seen have been a ways up the road from us and/or a mile or more away and I was telling my husband that I would love if it a momma and baby would come through our place.

Then yesterday I was leaving for an appointment and as I was pulling out of the drive way I saw a momma and baby crossing the street!! They came from the tall grass just the other side of our chain link fence. I got pretty excited to see them. Those little guys are so dang cute and they are afraid of everything and run really fast!! They headed into the trees, a little forest if you will, across the street from us.

I've been thinking of how I might be able to get some photos of these little one's . . . like take a chair and my camera and just sit in the trees and hope something comes along and I can get photos.

Well this evening I let the dogs out and instead of putting them in their regular kennel area I let them out in a small pasture I close off from the horses, so the grass can grow and then periodically let the horses in to eat the grass. Anyway . . . my dog Hank who is a cow dog , or would be, if we had cows, is very, very aware if there is ever another animal of any kind, in our vicinity. I noticed that he kept running up and down the fence line. At first I thought it might be because of the neighbors cat, but after a while I decided to go look and see if I could see anything over there. Secretly I was hoping I might see a deer or maybe even a baby deer, as this was the area where I saw the mom and baby just the day before.

I walked up and down the 6 foot high chain link fence, stepping on anything available to try and see over all the bushes and into the tall grass on the other side. I finally got to the end of the fence and stood on a tree stump, up on my toes and looked and looked and then all of the sudden I saw it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This tiny baby deer was laying in the tall grass and I could barely make out it's head and ears. I was so excited and I ran into the house and told my daughter and grabbed my camera. She came out and looked at it also and I was able to get the below photos!!!!! Because of the bushes and some wood fence panels I have against the chain link fence, the baby could not see us coming or anything else except maybe our heads as we peaked over the fence. He stood up and walked a few feet, looked around a little and then laid back down. I don't know where it's mom was, but I now wonder if she was the deer I saw this morning around 8:30am go into my horses pasture and then she headed back over the tall grass. I also wonder if this could be the same deer that's been coming through our place for a while??

I didn't mean to write a mini book about this, but wanted to share the story and photos with you. I hope you enjoy them!!

Keep Smilin'

Wendy

Much more than I planned on writing.

2009-06-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone, I haven't been writing much lately as it's been a pretty busy time for me!! Granddaughter was born, oldest son came to visit from Colorado, youngest daughter graduated from high school and a week later had her 18th birthday. Father's day is next weekend and the weekend after that is my hubby's birthday, so by the time the end of June gets here I should be thoroughly exhausted!!!

On a personal note; I have been having some problems with pain in my pelvic area that radiates down my legs. I've had this pain, in different degrees, since going through chemo. Then I knew it was bone pain and it was much worse. Now I can only guess that's it's left over side effects from the chemo. I've read that some people continue to have different side effects for a very long time. Also, along with this I am still having a problem with fatigue. About 2 months ago I felt a noticeable increase in my energy and was pretty excited about it and thought that finally I was on my way to being a little closer to my old self. Well that is not the way it's going. I think I've actually went backwards in my energy level since feeling the increase.

One thing that really bothers me about this is that the last time I saw my oncologist and mentioned that I was still having some fatigue, I was a little surprised by his reaction, which was something like . . . "wonder why that is" or ?? He said in a way like I had never been through chemo or radiation!!!! I just shrugged and didn't say anything. For several months during chemo and radiation and a little while after, I was on pain medication. It was for the bone pain and also because I was having a lot of muscle pain and most of this was in my hip/pelvic region and my legs. It took what seemed like forever for my oncologist to take me serious about the pain and finally give me some meds that worked!! Well a couple of months ago he asked how I was doing regarding the pain. I said that either the pain was gone or the meds are working. We talked about it and decided it was time to get me off the pain meds. I was actually glad about this because he had me on some pretty strong and addictive stuff and I didn't want to take it any longer than necessary. The one thing he did say is that if I do continue to have pain after going off the pain meds, that I would need to see my regular doctor about it and not him.

I gotta tell you I kind of feel like my oncologist just totally dropped the ball on me. Like, OK, his parts done, move on now!!

Well unfortunately I did and still am having problems with the pain. It's not my muscles and I don't have to do anything for it to hurt. I really think that it's still bone pain as it seems to come from deep in my pelvic area and legs. I went to my regular doctor about this, who is actually a nurse practitioner, but I love her, and explained the situation. She said that she and/or the clinic she works for can't help patients with possible cronic pain issues. She did give me some pain pills and some strong ibuprophens. But, she obviously doesn't realize all that I've been through . . . although she knows . . . and she gave me the lowest dose of pain pills there is. Compared to what my body was used to, I might as well have been taking sugar pills for all the good they did. Anyway, at that time I decided to get a new doctor. With the insurance I have I had to submitte change papers by mid month for it to take effect the first of the next month. I called the new doctor to set up an appointment and because it's specifically to talk about the pain I'm having and possible pain managment issues, the first appointment they had available is July 1st!!!!! Well I took the appointment and now only have 2 more weeks to WAIT to see the doctor!! How friggin' rediculous is this . . . . . I called them over a month ago and still have 2 weeks to wait!!

I did do a photo shoot the end of May. It was a 3 day horse expo that I've done every year for 4 years now. Luckily I had a golf cart to cruz around in because even with that, I was totally and completely wiped out by the time it was over. I think it took me a week to recover from that.

OK, well that's enough complaining for now. I hope what I wrote makes sense, it turned out to be much more than I planned on writing!! On a much happier note and I gotta say it's the one thing that brings me the greatest amount of joy at this time and that is my granddaughter Paige. She is the most beautiful, sweet, wonderful little bundle of joy and I am totally in love with her and cannot get enough of her!!!!! Here are a couple of photos that my daughter took of her. I saw them for the first time today and just had to have copies and want to share them with you all!!

Paige loves to sleep with her hands on or around her face.

I made this Elf Cocoon & Hat for her and she looks so precious in it!!

I just love the way she has that one finger pointing up.
Like she's saying . . . ok, wait a minute, that's enough pictures for now!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Birth Announcement

2009-06-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to share a "birth announcement" with you all. Paige is doing very well and she is just the sweetest baby!! I can't believe that in just a few days she will be 1 month old!!

Keep Smilin, Wendy

Paige Adrian - My New Granddaughter !!!!

2009-05-13T21:41:00.001-07:00

My new Granddaughter, Paige Adrian was born Saturday morning, May 9, 2009 at 4:51 AM! ! ! She weighed 6 pounds, 9 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She and her mom are doing just great!!!!

My daughter had a C-section and once Paige was in the baby warmer I got to cut the extra off the umbilical cord. This was so cool for me. I've had 4 babies, but I've never been on the other end of a baby being born, so this was very special for me!!

Because of the C-Section and the hour at which she was born we ended up staying in the hospital for 3 days. It was so nice being able to be there with and for her, but I was sure glad when we were able to go home.

I hope you enjoy this slide show of her first day in this world.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Maternity Slideshow

2009-04-16T08:59:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone, I am doing pretty good these days. I'm doing so much more since the weather is getting nicer. I have my monthly oncology visit next week and then the following week I have my first mammogram since all this cancer stuff started.

I have a slideshow that I just made of my daughter Jessi, who is due May 11th. I hope you enjoy the show!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

April 7th - ONE YEAR TODAY ! ! ! !

2009-04-07T08:59:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone,

One year ago I received the phone call that changed my life forever . . . "you have Breast Cancer".

In some ways it seems like forever ago and in other ways it's hard to believe it's been a year already.

WOW, what a year it's been, in more ways than anyone but me will ever know, and I'm so glad the worst is now behind me!!!

I am happy to report that I've FINALLY seen an increase in my energy level and am able to do more than I have for a long time. I am still nowhere near what I was, but hopefully it will continue to get better. I got out and did some yard work yesterday, trimmed the lilac bush which is actually a tree that was in bad shape when we moved in here almost 2 years ago, so it was in need of a good trimming. I had to stop every once in a while and rest but I got it done!!

Today I have some errands to run and then I plan to do a little spring cleaning in the front yard. The weather is supposed to be wonderful again today and then some rain for the next few days. I'm so tired of snow and wet and mud!!!

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Just saying HI

2009-03-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Not much going on with me lately and I guess that is a GOOD thing!!!

I'm feeling OK, still struggling with fatigue, but I'm trying to do more and more. I can't wait for Spring to hit and for all this snow to go away!!!! Then I can work in the yard and get my barn organized and all kinds of outside stuff. I'd much rather do outside stuff than inside stuff!!

Here are a few photos that I took the other evening and wanted to share with you all.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Me and my new hair

2009-03-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Well I decided it's time to be brave and upload a photo of myself showing you my hair. This last week is the first time I've left the house without a hat on . . . it was a big step for me!!

I get lots of compliments on it and I know people are trying to be nice. I actually don't mind it being short but I just wish I had some bangs, but they are growing so slow!!!!

It's hard to tell from this photo, as it looks mostly gray here, but I really do have a lot of dark hair, but it's under the gray and is much more noticeable in person.

I'm sure my "new look" will be a shocker for some people when they first see me. I look pretty different than when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Although I have to admit that I had a lot of gray hair, in fact I was mostly gray but no-one knew it because I have colored it for years!! My mom and daughters keep telling me to spike it!! Actually I would try it, but either it's not quite long enough or it's too thick because I can't get it to stay up!!

My daughter tells me that short is in and that gray is the new blond. Don't know if it's true, but if it is then I'll fit right in :)

I hope everyone is doing well.
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Ultrasound and other procedures . . .

2009-02-23T13:58:00.001-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Last week was a busy one for me. First I had been having problems with my stomach for a while and not surprisingly the specialist wanted me to get a colonoscopy. Although not at all thrilled with the idea I had this procedure done. Everything is fine with my insides, he could not find a thing wrong, so that is great news. Also, for anyone who has not had this procedure but may in the future . . . it's not a big deal at all. They say the prep is the worst . . cleaning out your colon!! I know it's different for everyone, but it was not bad for me at all. And I don't remember a thing about the procedure. I think the worst part for me was the gas pain when I woke back up. They fill you with air to open things up and get a better look. They don't let you leave until you've passed some of this air. Once things got to moving around inside me and I was able to get rid of some of the air I felt much better.

I also had an ultrasound of my right breast a couple days later. This was a follow-up to check on a small cyst they saw during a procedure while getting me ready for surgery last year. The ultrasound turned out well and everything looks great. I go in April for a mamogram.

Several of my family members have had really bad colds. They are better or are getting better but now I think I'm getting it. Have had a small sore throat the last couple days and now it hurts when I cough. WOW, it just seems like it's constantly one thing after the other!!

I'm so tired of medical stuff!!! I'm in the process of psyching myself up to be healthy and have much more energy. I'm going to work on this for a couple of days and then go for it and try not to let things get me down!!

I go Friday for my monthly blood work and visit with my oncologist. I'll let you know if anything new comes up.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Great News . . . no oral surgery needed!!!

2009-02-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I went to the oral surgeons yesterday morning for my appointment to get my gum's opened up and the bone shaved!! I did not eat or drink anything after midnight the night before as I was instructed . . . and people you got to know how hard it is for me to not have my morning coffee!!

The gal took me back to the doctors office, he sat me in a dental chair and looked at my mouth. He said that things are healing up very nicely and that there is no need for any surgery!! Well, I can't tell you how great that was to hear!! Now I didn't have to worry about the pain, having only liquids for who knows how long, etc.

With a big smile on my face my hubby and I got back in the car and he headed toward the closest latte hut for me to get my double shot vanilla latte!!

Now after the excitement of all of this wore off I began to wonder . . . . it only took the dental surgeon 2 minutes to look at my mouth and decide that surgery wasn't necessary. Wouldn't it have been a lot easier, especially on me, if he had scheduled a quick "look see" visit to determine if surgery was needed BEFORE scheduling the surgery?!?!?!?!?!?

I may have to write them a nice letter and mention this to them. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me. I rearranged my life because of this planned surgery. My hubby bought me extra liquid stuff to eat and drink from the store, etc. It's not a small deal if you think you are heading into a couple of weeks of not being able eat and or talk very well and what ever else having your gum bones shaved could cause!!

But, with each bite I take and each thing I've done yesterday and today that I thought I wouldn't be able to do, I am very happy that it didn't have to happen :)

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Lots of stuff . . .updates and more . . .

2009-01-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

I had a visit with my oncologist today. Last month I saw his nurse and before that I was doing radiation, so I haven't seen him for a while.

We talked about the biphosphonate study drug that I started and then stopped in case it was causing the problems I'm STILL having with my stomach!! I only had 2 days to get back on the drug before I would not be allowed to be in the study anymore. The doctor shared with me some reasons he really wants me to take this drug. When a person has breast cancer and it's related to hormones, they get what is called "hormone therapy" by taking certain drugs that are supposed to help keep the hormone related cancer from coming back.

If the breast cancer is not hormone related, which mine is NOT, then there is nothing to take to help prevent the cancer from reaccuring, except possibly this study drug. So that is what this study is all about. The drug is already know to help build my bone density back up from what the chemo zapped from it, now if they can prove it helps prevent or lessens the reaccurence of breast cancer or breast cancer that spreads to other areas of the body then it may some day get approved as a regular thing to give breast cancer patients such as myself, once all the other treatments are completed.

So, I've decided to go back on the drug and give it one more try. I'm thinking that it didn't cause my stomach problems because I stopped the drug almost 4 weeks ago and the stomach problem is still there.

Speaking of which, I'm going to a intestinal, gastro(somthing) specialist in 1 1/2 weeks for a consoltation to see if we can figure out what is causing my stomach problems. I saw my primary doctor about this over 1 1/2 weeks ago and now I have to wait that much longer to see the specialist and this has been going on for a month now!! Like my hubby said, good thing I probably don't have something that's gonna kill me, cuz just waiting to see the doctors is rediculous!!

I also just found out that I have to go back to the oral surgeon and get some more surgery done!! He's got to go in and shave the bone . . . boy, doesn't that sound like fun!! NOT ! ! ! ! ! He said that not everyone has to have this done, but I need to . . . oh, lucky me :) Anyway for my new teeth to fit their best and feel good too, he's got to remove all the lumps and bumps and smooth things out more evenly. What a pain, but I know it's for the best in the long run . . . I've got to live with these new teeth for a long time. And let me tell you it's not been a fun experience so far, I am still pretty limited to the things I can eat. So I will be having oral surgery next Wednesday.

Also, I'm guessing because of the new teeth and also because of the stomach problems I've been having that as of today I have lost 11 pounds since I first saw my oncologist last May. That is not including the 7-10 pounds that I gained during chemo. So since last may I gained 7-10 pounds, lost that and then I've lost another 11 pounds!! Not to worry, I'm far from getting too thin and actually hope I'll be able to keep the weight off once my body gets back to normal. I can fit into some old jeans and that's great!!!

Let's see what else . . . oh yeah, another big thing that is going on with me is that I'm trying to find a new home for my horse Spooky :( This is a really, really hard thing for me to do, but for many, many reasons and mostly for her benefit, I want to find a great home for her with someone who has and will take the time to ride her and fully enjoy all of her potential. Each year I say I'm going to do something with her and now how many years later I still haven't done anything. She is so wonderful and has too much potential to just hang out in my pasture much longer. I sent out a flyer with her picture and info about her to some horse friends asking them to pass it on to their horse friends. Well, I am really surprised at all the responses I have gotten about her. I have a gal coming tomorrow to meet her and see if she wants her. If that doesn't work out I've got another 7-9 people waiting for their turn!! Here is a picture of my Spooky, I have had her since she was 3 months old and she will be 9 years old this June. I will still have Cowboy, my mustang gelding, which will be my saving grace in all of this. So keeping him will make loosing Spooky a little easier . . . . I think.

Well, I think that's about it for now. Sorry to hit you with so much. It seems like I go for a while with nothing to say and then all the sudden bang!!!, lots of stuff.

Hope you are all doing well. Just think, each day is getting a little longer as we head toward Spring and Summer :)

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Update and special photos

2009-01-26T00:19:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,
I don't have much to update about but thought I'd let you know that I went to my primary doctor last week about the stomach problems that I am still having. She doesn't really know what is going on with me so she is referring me to an Intestinal- gastro(something) doctor!! I haven't heard anything yet about that appointment so I will be calling them tomorrow and see what is the hold up.

On a different note . . . my oldest daughter Jessi is due to have her first baby in May ! ! Today we took a few quick pictures of her and I just loved how some of them turned out and wanted to share them with you all. By the way, it's a GIRL ! ! ! Oh, and I have felt her kick 2 different time!!!! I'm just a little excited about this baby and can't wait to be able to hold her and love her and kiss her!!

Jessi at 6 months

I hope you are all doing well.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Winter Photography

2009-01-18T12:33:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone, I hope your New Year has gotten off to a good start. Not much new going on with me. My stomach problems have gotten a lot better, but I'm still having some, so I plan to call my doctor tomorrow and go in and see what she might think of this. I participated in a short online photo course on Winter Photography. Everyone in the class had about 2 weeks to go out and take photos of winter. Then everyone could upload their 2 best images to be critiqued and the chance to win the grand prize, a gift certificate for Amazon.com. The instructors said that there were so many wonderful images that it was hard to pick just one winner, so they decided to choose 5 runner-ups as well. I'm very excited and happy to say that one of my images was chosen as a runner-up!! They will be posting the winner's images and info in a press release that they send out to tons of people over the internet. Below is my winning image!!

Frozen in Motion

Here are the other two that I entered as well.

Tree in Fog

Snowy Sunset 3

Stomach Problems and Frustrations . . .

2009-01-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,
I'm having a tough day and wanted to write about a few things. My stomach has been giving me some real problems over the last week or so. I thought it was because of the "study" pills I was taking, so I stopped taking them. Now I'm not so sure they are the cause. I've got a call into the doctor to discuss this further and see if something else might be causing it.

I just found out that one of my dear friends sister recently passed away from cancer. It started out as breast cancer and then spread to other areas. I just saw and spoke with this woman a couple of weeks before Christmas!! This makes me so, so sad and very mad too.

Today I found out that one of my online friends sister is also loosing her battle with cancer and has only days left to live.

One thing about having cancer is that you meet so many people who either have it, had it, or someone they know does. This is not a bad thing as these people become another part of your life, another extension of family so to speak. The bad things is that the more people you know who are dealing with cancer, then the more people you know who loose the battle.

This breaks my heart and pisses me off to no end!! And then I also feel bad about any whining I may have done about my situation, which has not been easy, but compared to others, I'm sure it's a walk in the park.

It just all seems so wrong, so wrong!!

Wendy

Post Treatment Dr Visit

2009-01-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

Hello there,

Yesterday I saw the doctor, or rather the doctors Oncology Nurse. It was my first follow-up visit since being done with all the treatments.

The good news is that my blood work is all looking very good. I have to have blood test every month, both for cancer reasons but also because of the study drug that I am taking.

This last week has been a rough one for me. I'm calling it post treatment depression!! Treatment is over and I want to feel all better!! The problem that I have to come to grips with is . . . it just doesn't work that way!! It's very frustrating because I still have no energy and worse, I have no motivation. I just don't feel like doing a stinkin' thing!! But at the same time I get terribly bored. Then when I do try to do something it totally wipes me out and that causes me to get frustrated.

We've had incredible, amazing, ridiculous amounts of snow all ready this year. My first hose for watering the horses got buried when my hubby shoveled off the roof, so we pulled another one out of storage. I put it on top of the giant snow barrier that came off the roof, where I thought it would be safe. Well it might have been if it hadn't warmed up, rained and melted some snow, so it all got heavy and settled and then it snowed on top of it again. So a couple of days ago I had to water horses and my hose was buried again!! My hubby has been outside for weeks plowing driveways, shoveling off roofs, plowing driveways, again and again, so I wasn't going to ask him for help, plus he was at the time doing some MORE plowing and shoveling!! So I got the snow shovel and proceeded to dig out my hose. WOW, it was really buried and I thought I wasn't going to be able to get it, but I finally did. By the time I was done I was so exhausted and felt like I was going to have a heart attack!!

This is really sad and hard for me to accept much less admit!! On another cancer blog that I'm a member of I mentioned that I feel like a lazy bum and boy did I get my butt chewed by the other cancer patients and survivors on there!! They told me to not be so cruel to myself and to give myself more time to heal . . . my body has been through an awful lot!!

So yesterday I was talking to the nurse about some of this and how I've been feeling and I wasn't very thrilled when she said "it could take months". Ugh, not what I was wanting to hear!! I know it's different for everyone and some might bounce right back and others take longer. I just would have thought that I'd be in the "bounce right back" category!!

So that is the latest on me. I've been working on my business website, making some changes and updates and getting ready for the new year. I will start to contact some people and start booking work for this summer. It's hard for me to imagine doing this while I'm feeling like I do, but I have to believe that by the time I start shooting shows, etc., that I'm going to be feeling TONS better!!

I want to wish you all a Happy New Year!!!

Hugs,
Wendy

Elf Video . . .

2008-12-28T01:15:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,
I hope you enjoy the video!! It's me and my 4 kids!!
Make sure your volume is on to get the full effect.
Too funny!!!!!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Winter Solstice Photos

2008-12-21T22:15:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

I don't have a lot to write since my last post about my last radiation. Although I have not been feeling real good and been pretty tired the last couple of days. I'm wondering if the fatigue of radiation that they talk about is just now hitting me?

I have another blog . . .my photo blog, for those of you who may not have taken a look at it. Anyway, I took some pictures today and posted the below stuff on my photo blog and thought I'd just copy and paste it over here for those of you who are not subscribed to my photo blog.
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I took some photos today for a Winter Solstice Project and wanted to share a few with you. Boy are we getting pounded with snow!!

The Dump Truck, obviously retired for the winter.

I was using the flash on my camera and Cowboy wanted nothing to do with it, so he moved out of the shelter and wouldn't get any closer to me than this . . . .the big chicken!!

Spooky on the other hand wouldn't leave me alone, so I tossed her some hay. Put some food in front of her and she won't bug you for a little while!!

I had just finished taking pictures and was leaving the barn and I ran into Trouble. He decided the snow was too deep and followed or rather raced me back to the house!!

And here is one more of Cowboy. I used a Sepia tone on this one.

He's such a pretty boy. And as you can see my horses are fat and spoiled!! I was a little worried about how fat they were getting but then as soon as the frigid below zero temps and wind chill hit, I was really glad they had the extra layers to keep them warm.

Today when I was out there taking these photos the temperature was 10 degrees and the wind chill factor was about 7-10 BELOW zero!! My gloves made pressing the button on the camera really difficult so I took one off for a just a little bit to take the rest of the photos . . . . wow, it's amazing how quickly those kind of cold temperatures can effect the uncovered skin!!

Last Radiation Treatment was today ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

2008-12-18T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Well, I had my last radiation treatment today!! I am so happy ! ! ! ! ! ! Just knowing I don't have to get up and go to town tomorrow is such a relief!! My hubby took me out for breakfast after treatment to celebrate.

Now I just want to stay home and not have to go anywhere for about a week. This may not be too difficult to do since we have just gotten a major amount of snow since yesterday. So much snow in fact that I wasn't sure I was going to go in for my treatment this morning, but Rick was determined to get me there for the last one and have it done and over with. I'm really glad we went and that I didn't postpone it.

It wasn't too bad getting there but coming home the snow had picked up, you couldn't see where the side of the road was and general visibility was really bad and the windshield wipers kept getting a build up of ice on them. We weren't the only ones having this problem . . . at almost every red light people were getting out of their cars/trucks and cleaning off their wipers. For those of you that read this and don't live around here . . . . we got about 3 feet of snow!!!!

The doctor said that the radiation will continue to "do it's stuff" and work on my cells for a few more weeks, so my skin will continue to be effected and itch. After that it will start getting better. They also said that the effects of fatigue can continue for another 6-8 weeks. Although, compared to the fatigue I had from chemo, this has not been bad.

Well, today is also my youngest son's 19th Birthday . . . . Happy Birthday Matthew!! I love you!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

I'm filled with sadness today . . for those that don't survive . . .

2008-12-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

With all that I have gone through, I am still so fortunate. For this I say, Thank You Jesus.

Before I got cancer I knew there were people out there with cancer and some dying from it, but boy let me tell you that once you become one of those people, it takes on a whole different role. You look at it and the people who have it, in a whole new light.

Research has come a long way for most cancers and their treatment. With breast cancer, it seems like every where you turn there is a pink ribbon. Pink ribbons and other such things that promote funding for more research.

Although things have improved tremendously and more and more people survive breast cancer, there are still a lot of women who die from this horrid disease.

Last week I received an e-mail from a well know cancer foundation asking for year end donation to help fight breast cancer. I barely glanced at the first paragraph and closed the e-mail because I didn't want to read the sad but real information is was stating. It states that "someone dies from breast cancer every 75 seconds" and that last year 40,000 families lost a loved one to this killer. I'm not sure so please don't quote me but I think the population of Coeur d'Alene is around 40,000. To put this in perspective, can you imagine everyone in Coeur d'Alene dying within a year!!

Why am I talking about all of this tonight you might be asking. Here I am near the end of my treatments, doing well, with a very positive outlook and prognosis. Well, it's because some reality jumped out and hit me today, hit me like a flippin' rock!! Someone I know, not really well, but still I know this person, I've been to her house, I've met her family, I've run into her at the cancer center, etc., is dying from breast cancer. She has known since the beginning that her prognosis was not very good. I saw her a few months ago and she was looking great, very chipper, etc. I ran into her today as we were both out shopping for Christmas. She is now very weak and has to use a walker to get around. We talked for a few minutes, not about the cancer, well we did comment on each other's hat's, as we are both still bald enough to need to wear them, but that was pretty much it about the cancer.

This hit me really hard. Here she is out shopping for Christmas and guys I have to tell you, there is a chance she might not even still be here come Christmas!! Oh my, I feel so aweful about this, but at the same time I give her so much credit. She's not letting this keep her down, she is still living life, even as she is dying. I don't know if I could be that strong. Even now, as I write this, my eyes fill with tears as the reality hits me that today I was talking to and hugged a fellow breast cancer patient and friend . . . . who is dying, really and truly dying, of this horride, horride disease.

So, if you would, please won't you all say a little prayer for all those out there who are going through this or any other difficult journey. And if you have the means, please won't you do what you can to help further the research for this and/or any other conditions that are robbing so many of their lives.

Well, I'm sorry to be writing about such a sad thing, but unfortunatly it is reality.

Hugs and Best Wishes to you all,
Wendy

Only 5 treatments left!!!!!!!

2008-12-11T14:00:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Well, I am really starting to get excited as I only have 5 more radiation treatments and then I am DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, it's been a long and trying road, but the worst is almost over!!

I saw the doctor today, as I usually do once a week. It's usually a quick visit to check my skin and see how I am doing. He was a bit surprised at just how red my skin has gotten. I asked him if it was a normal and/or average amount of redness and he said no, that I am above normal. That my skin has been effected quite a bit more than normal. I'm using all the lotions and potions that I am supposed to, but I guess it just goes to show that it really is different for everyone. Good thing is that it's really not hurting, but it can get to itching like crazy!!

They are doing the smaller more concentrated radiation now that focuses on the area where the tumor was. It involves the more sensitive parts of the whole area (i.e., scar from surgery & the nipple), so I am hoping that those areas don't get a lot worse before it's over. I guess we'll see what happens.

Oh boy, only 5 left!! I can't express enough just how great that sounds!!!!

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Update on radiation, hair & teeth

2008-12-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

Today is then end of week 5 of radiation, I now have 1 1/2 weeks left. Up until now I've been doing pretty good about going to town every stinkin' day for radiation. But now it's starting to get old. It started yesterday and I'm feeling it again this morning . . . . I don't want to go!! Radiation is a quick and easy process so that is not the problem. The problem is that I'm just tired of it all. My skin is burnt and itching like crazy. I think I'm starting to feel the fatigue associated with radiation.

Next week on Tuesday they start the new, more concentrated dose of radiation, aimed more specifically on the area where my tumor was. This will be good for the rest of the area that is now burnt as it will have a chance to really start healing. But the 2 areas I'm most worried about and the only places that sometimes hurt from this, are in the area that will continue to get the more concentrated doses.

I have to keep telling myself . . . after today . . . . . only 9 more treatments and then I'll be done!! I can do this, I can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, please help me do this!!

Also, yesterday, Dec 4, 2008 I started the bisphosphonate drug study. I have to take 2 of these horse sized pills every morning before I eat or drink anything.

My hair continues to grow!! Slowly but shurly it is growing and I'm seeing more and more dark hairs coming in . . . . yipee!! I really hope the dark hair continues because I really just do not want to color my hair anymore!!! I'm going to be very tempted to not color it even if it comes in with a lot of gray. Gray hair is the only reason I've colored my hair for so many years and I'm just not looking forward to doing that again.

My new teeth are doing ok. The bottom one's do not fit very well so I don't wear them very much. Unlike the top teeth, you can't tell that I don't have the bottom one's in. The denturist won't realign them (to fit better) until after my gums have healed, as they will continue to shrink until them. So I'm stuck with these for a little while and doing the best I can to sort of eat more solid type foods.

Well, I must get ready to go for radiaiton.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Half way through Radiation

2008-11-26T09:43:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone, I am now half way through my radiation treatments!! The skin around my breast is starting to show signs that it's going through something!! It's got red spots all over and I have 1 area just below my armpit, by the scare where they took the lymph nodes, that was being irritated by some undershirts that I was wearing, causing it to be real red and itchy. I'm using a special cream on that area and not wearing the undershirts anymore and it seems to be getting better. I'm happy to say that my mouth seems to be healing well. The denturist won't make any adjustments to my new teeth until I've healed up some more, as the gum shrinks with healing. So the new teeth are not fitting well, especially the bottom ones. But I am now able to use some stuff called Cushion Grip that helps hold them in place. Because of this I was actually able to eat some mashed potatoes and little bit of corn last night without it hurting. I don't think my stomach knew what to do with some what solid food. I've been living on mostly liquids for 12 days now!! Soup, cream of wheat & oatmeal-thin enough that I can just drink it, yogurt, pudding, Ensure, etc. I went to the grocery store yesterday to get the cushion grip and it was pure torture, seeing and smelling all of the foods that I cannot yet even beging to eat. I'm starving for some really good food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow (Thanksgiving) should be interesting, but hopefully I should be able to eat my favorites, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with roasted marshmellows on top and hopefully my most favorite--my mom's stuffing that she makes special for me, cooking it seperate from the turkey, getting the tops and edges crispy . . . oh yum, it sounds so good. Wish me luck!! My hair is growning in more and more, although still barely noticable, but I am seeing more dark hairs, so there is hope!!
I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!! Keep Smilin' Wendy

New Teeth, radiation and hair update

2008-11-16T12:27:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,
Well, I'm a hurting puppy this morning!! I got my teeth pulled on Friday. All is going as well as can be expected except that I slept way past time for taking my pain meds this morning and I woke up hurting pretty good!! I'm still waiting for them to kick in . . . . it's not a good thing to get behind on the pain meds!!

Radiation is going well, I start week 3 tomorrow. I had a quick visit with my radiation oncologist on Thursday and he said my radiation area is looking great.

I've noticed that I'm starting to get some dark hairs mixed in with the white one's on the side of my head!! So, I guess there is still hope that I won't be totally gray or white. But I can see that this whole hair growing out process is going to be a long one. Especially with light colored hair, it doesn't show up near as well as dark hair, so it still looks like I'm bald!! Oh well, believe me that not having hair has become a very small issue in the realm of all things!!

Well, I've got to get a warm towel and lay down with it on my face . . . it's supposed to help the swelling, which should also help the pain . . .I hope, I hope, I hope!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

2nd week of radiation

2008-11-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

Just a quick note before I head out the door for more doctor appointments!! I made it through the first week of radiation and I'm now in my second week. It's really a very quick and easy process. They schedule people every 12 minutes and no where I've ever been before runs exactly on time like these folks do. I guess there is really nothing that happens to delay or prolong the treatment, so no reason for them to be running behind.

The folks that do my treatments are really nice and very helpful. I had some questions last week about some new medicine I'm taking and if it would be any problem with having radiation and as soon as I was done with treatment they got me in to see the nurse so I could talk to her about it all.

Last week was a little rough. The new pain meds the doc put me on caused me to have some pretty intense itching for a few days. Got that changed and it's much better now and I'm on antibiotics for a sinus infection.

I had one day this last weekend where I felt really, really great. It was kind of weird to feel so good and be totally aware of it after so many months of feeling like crud.

My hair is starting to grow back in :) Yeah . . . . . but it's seems to be coming in whiter than it was before!!

I have oral surgery this Friday to get my teeth pulled. I gotta tell you that I'm more nervous about that than any other type of surgery I've ever had. One one hand I'm pretty scared about it, on the other hand I'm looking forward to getting it done and over with.

OK, I better run . . . going to be late.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

I received a gift from The Pampered Chef today

2008-11-05T12:51:00.001-08:00

I received a gift from The Pampered Chef today. It does not say who sent this gift to me. I'm hoping that the person who sent it reads my blog because I want to say a great big THANK YOU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

The only clue I have to who this came from is a phone number on the packing slip and although I don't know who's it is, it's from a Colorado area code.

The gift is a set of large cups and a set of clips with magnets on the back for hanging things on the fridge, etc. The cups are pink with white polka dots on the outside and a pink ribbon on the inside bottom of the cups. The clips are in the shape of a pink ribbon.

These are really awesome and again . . . . THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

First Radiation Today

2008-11-03T20:41:00.000-08:00

Hello,

I had my first radiation treatment today. They had to do some more measuring and a couple of x-rays to make sure they radiate the right spot. They drew all around my breast area with a permanent marker and when they had everything just right, they gave me 3 tiny tattoos. Each tattoo is about the size of a freckle and I have one in the middle of my chest, one on my right side and one on my left side. Just FYI those are sensitive little area's to be getting poked with a needle!!

They gave me 2 tubes of special lotions that I have to put on the area twice a day. These lotions help to protect the skin so it doesn't get to "burnt" from all the treatments. I will be getting a total of 33 treatments with the last one being on Dec 18th.

I see my regular doctor tomorrow about my ankle that is still swollen and hurting. My muscles are still hurting and I have a rash on my back that has spread to my neck and is starting to itch A LOT!! Oh, I also have a sore throat and I think I'm getting a sinus infection . . . oh the joys!!

Well, that's about it for now. I hope you are all doing well.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Thanks to everyone who has donated ! ! ! !

2008-10-31T21:53:00.001-07:00

Just a quick note . . . . I want to thank everyone who has donated to the Passionately Pink for the Cure Fundraiser!!! Every dollar counts and your donations WILL make a difference!!!

For those of you who haven't donated yet . . . . it only takes a couple of minutes!!!

Thank you so much,
Wendy

Please, it's only $5.00

2008-10-29T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to take a minute and ask that if at all possible, please take a few minutes and donate to my Passionately Pink for the Cure fundraiser.

It only takes a couple of minutes and you only need to donate $5.00!!

The link to my Event Page is below . . . right above the thermometer that shows the progress of the fundraiser, is a DONATE button.

http://www.komendonations.org/site/TR/PassionatelyPink/PassionatelyPink?px=2736592&pg=personal&fr_id=1080&et=jck-xfp36U5IdGzr9Dc_Kg..&s_tafId=12020 ">

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Passionately Pink for the Cure Fundraiser

2008-10-26T15:32:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone,

October is Breast Cancer Month and I have signed up with the Passionately Pink for the Cure fundraiser event. All donations made will go to the Susan G Komen for the Cure foundation. All they ask for is a minimum donation of $5.00.

Please follow the link below and it will lead you to my personal page on Passionately Pink for the Cure. There you can read a little something that I wrote and make your donations.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me.

I want to thank each and every one of you in advance for taking the time to support additional research for the fight again Breast Cancer.

Click below to visit my personal on Passionately Pink for the Cure.

http://www.komendonations.org/site/TR/PassionatelyPink/PassionatelyPink?px=2736592&pg=personal&fr_id=1080&et=jck-xfp36U5IdGzr9Dc_Kg..&s_tafId=12020

Polymyalgia Rheumatica

2008-10-24T20:03:00.001-07:00

This is what my oncologist thinks might be causing my muscle pain. He did a blood test that showed a low level of this and the best treatment is a low dose of steroids. So he's called me in some prednizone which I have to pick up tomorrow and start taking. If the prednizone does not make it better, then it's not Polymyalgia Rheumatica.

My opinion is that it's not this weird thing, mostly because the parts of the body that are usually effected by this are not the parts that I'm having the most trouble with. BUT I could be wrong and I guess we'll know early next week . . . .if the steroids help or not . . . again, I said I could be wrong.

Today was a little stressful because I start getting ready for radiation next week and I also have to try and see if I can get my dentures and teeth pulled and also start the biophosphenates. It's all in the timing of everything and the doctor is going to get some answers for me and try to help me with making it all work out. The big deal is that I have to start the biophosphenates by November 26th, they have to be started within 8 weeks of the last chemo treatment. Once on this drug, no dental work should be done because there is a very rare but possible chance of jaw bone problems.

I think I can get my teeth pulled while I'm doing radiation, he's checking on that, but my concern is if I'll feel well enough to go in for radiation right after having this major oral surgery. I had hoped to have a week to heel up, but the radiation can't wait, we have to get that started right away.

I'm just not going to let myself stress about this . . . it will work out, one way or another.

I met my radiation oncologist and 2 of his nurses today, like most everyone else at the cancer center . . . . they are very nice.

So that's my medical update for the moment. I hope you all have a great weekend :)

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Struggling with muscle aches

2008-10-22T22:06:00.000-07:00

It's funny how I think because I had my last chemo treatment that I should be feeling a lot better. Like magically my body should be getting back to normal. Well, my body doesn't yet know it's had it's last chemo, for all it knows we'll be going in on Friday for another dose, as that will be 3 weeks since my last treatment.

I know I need to give myself some time. I would hope by week 4 or 5 I will be feeling a lot better. But it's not like you wake up after the last chemo treatment and suddenly you have hair, or you have tons of energy, or your body doesn't hurt anymore or your fingernails and toenails stop separating from the nail beds. Yes, my toenails are doing it too.

This week and especially today my muscles are really hurting, especially my leg muscles. When I first stand up to walk I am stiff and it hurts. After walking a little bit it gets better, but this really stinks. I feel like an old lady!!

I see my oncologist on Friday, so I will talk to him more about this. I will also see the radiation oncologist for the first time. I'm looking forward to that, to find out more about what is ahead of me. I don't know much about the process of radiation yet. All I know is that I go in every stinkin' day Monday through Friday for 6 weeks. I hope I'll be able to get it over with before the snow flies and while the roads are good.

I'm also looking forward to seeing my medical oncologist (cancer doctor) as I will be learning more about the study I have signed up to participate in.

I will write more about the study and some other things, (major dental work that I need done) after I see all the doctors on Friday.

I hope you are all having a good week.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Living Proof---the movie

2008-10-18T22:01:00.001-07:00

I watched the true story movie Living Proof tonight. Wow, it was great and if you didn't see it or know what it's about . . . it's about the doctor that discovered Herceptin as a breast cancer treatment, that has saved thousands of lives.

I believe it's on again tomorrow night (Sunday) on Lifetime. If you didn't see it tonight, please try to watch it tomorrow night. It is a great movie!!

Herceptin is used against breast cancer that is HER2 positive. My breast cancer is HER2 negative so this is not a treatment that I receive.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Feeling a little sick, but not chemo related.

2008-10-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

I started not feeling too good earlier this week. My left ear and the side of my neck was hurting. On Wednesday I decided it was time to see the doctor. I tried to see my primary doc but she was all booked up. Before heading to the ER I decided to call the cancer center and spoke with a nurse about what I was feeling. She wanted me to come into the office so the doc could take a look. I had to go in for blood work anyway and then I saw the doc after that.

I really thought I had an ear infection because my ear was hurting so much, but it turns out my ears looked great. About half way down between my left ear and my throat, I have a very tender spot, which I figured was a swollen lymph node. The doctor sent me for an ultrasound. He wanted to see if maybe it was an abscess or anything else that we needed to worry about. The ultrasound showed that it was indeed a swollen lymph node. I just can't believe how painful this thing is . . .I've had tender lymph nodes before, but nothing like this. It hurts when I swallow because it's moving the muscles next to it, and the pain is radiating out and that is what is causing my ear to hurt. Besides a little stuffiness, I have no other symptoms of being sick, so we are not sure what is causing this. The doc does not want to put me on antibiotics yet since he's not sure if I really need them or not. He did say it was good that I came in and if it gets any worse or I get any other symptoms to let him know right away.

It just seems like there is always something!!!! Tomorrow is 2 weeks since my last chemo. I might be feeling better chemo wise, but it's hard to tell since this other thing is hurting so much.

I get a little excited to think about having enough energy to actually be able to do something, I mean like, really something. I want to clean my barn and get it ready for winter and set up some outside wind blocks under the lean-to for the horses. I've been keeping busy doing a lot of crocheting and I'm getting a lot of Christmas presents done . . . . but it gets a little boring. Oh and I've just about played myself to death, playing Free Cell on the computer!!

Well, that's about all I have for now. I hope all of you are doing well :)

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

The kindness of strangers

2008-10-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

Over the last several months while going through this journey of mine, I have received gifts and e-mails from complete strangers wishing me well. I wanted to take a moment and acknowledge these people and let them know just how much their correspondence and thoughtfulness has meant to me.

Most of these folks have had a relative or close friend that has or had cancer. Some of them have had to live through loosing that close friend or dear family member to this awful disease. Please know that my heart goes out to each and every one of you.

Some of these folks have happened upon my personal blog in the strangest of ways and it's always very interesting to me how that happens. The internet is just an amazing thing!!

I received an e-mail last week from some folks that touched me very, very deeply. If they read this post I hope they know I'm talking about them. These days it's hard to find someone who will go out of their way and take that extra minute that can make all the difference in someone's life.

I am as guilty of this as the next person, we get caught up in our own day to day lives and although we "mean to", it just never gets done. I hope, especially after what I'm going through, to change my ways. You never know just how much that phone call, e-mail or text message can change a persons day and even change their outlook, hopefully for the better.

I want to ask each and every one of you to please go out of your way at least once in the next week to brighten someone's day. I just sent an e-mail to a fellow photographer telling him how much I loved some special effects images that he did . . . . I know that would make me feel great. I've wanted to write him for over a week about those images, so now I finally did it.

I want to thank each and every one of you that have been reading my blog and have commented or e-mailed me. You have no idea how much having this blog and knowing that someone is actually reading it has meant to me. You have all in your own ways helped me more than you will know.

God Bless You All,
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Wednesday - Oct 8, 2008

2008-10-08T18:44:00.001-07:00

WOW, I can't believe it's Wednesday already!! I went in yesterday for my Neulasta shot and boy am I feeling it today!! Feels like I've been in another train wreck . . . and they question my wanting pain pills . . . . please give me a break!!

Everything hurts from my eyeballs to my toes and I have a sore throat too!! My nail beds are hurting so I'm sure that means more nails will start separating from the beds. Oh and my mouth . . . it hurts more than usual and eating dinner was a little rough tonight. And I'm getting another yeast infection and another very painful cyst in my groin area. Oh the joys of chemo and all that goes with it . . . . I guess I'm just getting the double whammy of side effects since this was my last treatment . . . .I'm going out with a bang!!

BUT . . . . it's the last one, the last one, the last one, it's the last one, the last one, the last!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait for the day that I feel half normal again . . . . I can only imagine how great that is going to be!! Just FYI, there are people who have the side effects from chemo hang on long after they are done with chemo. I don't plan to be one of those, but just thought I'd throw that out there.

I'm going to soak in the tub and hope it helps my poor body to feel a little better.

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Day 3 after last chemo treatment

2008-10-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

My chemo on Friday went well. When I was all done they gave me a "chemo cake" and a certificate that was signed by several of the nurses and a book about life after treatment. It was very nice . . . they are such a great group of people at the cancer center.

I've had a couple of pretty rough days emotionally. I know not everyone is like me in the emotions department, but I gotta tell you guys, it's really bad for me. Thank goodness I'm on the upswing of the emotions part of it now. I suppose it would be bad enough if it were only the cancer and chemo I was dealing with, but add in all the other things that are going on in my life and boy can it be overwhelming.

This is one reason it takes me a few days to write after chemo. For one thing I can't stop crying long enough to write. For another thing if I actually wrote in any detail about how I was feeling, thinking, etc., someone would surly send over the guys with the white wrap around suits who would take me to a rubber room!! Yes, honestly it can get that bad.

For all of you that have known or will know anyone in the future going through this or anything like it . . . please know it's probably much worse for them at times than anyone . . . even their immediate family . . . will ever know. Why is this . . .well for me it's because I try to be strong for the most part and usually fall apart when no one is around or in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping. If they do catch me crying or having a hard time, I know it's very hard for them because they want to help but there is really not much they can do. Mostly it helps if they just listen . . . and a hug, a really long hug . . . like just holding them for a while, can have a great relaxing effect. Well, unless they are not huggers and although it's very hard for me to believe, there are people out there that are not huggers!!!!

I need to eat and try to get some rest. I will write more later.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

2008-10-02T08:13:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, the day before my last chemo treatment. I'm really glad it's the last one, but I am so dreading it. I'm supposed to start my anti nausea pills today. I'm supposed to take 2 this morning and 2 tonight. They leave a weird after taste in my mouth and I just don't want to take them, but I've got to. It's better than the alternative which would be a greater chance of vomiting after treatment and I really, really don't want that. I also think these pills and the anti-nausea drug they give me with chemo is part of why my coffee taste so bad. Oh, that reminds me, I better drink extra coffee today because tomorrow it will start tasting like crap!!

I started writing this morning, and now it's night time.

I went to the doctor today. I saw a different doctor because mine is on vacation. This doctor was really nice and I liked him a lot. My doctor is great too, but I didn't know what it would be like to see someone different and it turned out really well. He said my blood test all look OK. I showed him my fingernails and well . . . some of them are starting to separate from my nail beds. Loosing nails is one of the possible side effects. I thought this late in the game and since my nails had still been looking pretty good, that I would avoid this, but NOOOOOOOOOOO. So how great is that . . . I'm going to loose at least some, maybe all of my fingernails . . . . that should look real attractive. At least winter is coming and I'll be able to wear gloves a lot. How long does it take to grow fingernails from scratch?? I think a long time!!!

Boy, I gotta tell ya, that sometimes it's hard to keep trying to come up with positive thoughts to counter all the negative that is going on.

One other thing that he talked about that could have me a little worried, but I just won't let it. He looked at my neck and upper chest area where I happen to have some spider viens. He asked me if I had a history of drinking or liver disease. Well, any of you that know me, know I have NEVER had a drinking problem and I have no liver problems that I've ever known about and none in my family history that I know about. Then I laid down on the table for him to check my ankels for swelling, etc and to feel around my stomach. He took some extra time feeling around my liver area and making sure it wasn't tender or hurting me, which it was not. I actually have some of these spider viens on my cheeks too and if I think about it, I think the spider viens themselves may be hereditary. They do blood test all the time on me and the check for things like liver functionality, etc., so I know if there was or ever is a problem they will tell me. I think he was just making sure that I wasn't feeling any pains in my liver area.

Ok, well I have the last chemo tomorrow. I am so happy about that I just can't tell you!!
I'll write when I can after chemo.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Two Good Days!!!

2008-09-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

I've been complaining about the bad days a lot, so it's only fair that I give the good days the credit they deserve!! I have had 2 pretty good days, Sunday and today!! Sunday I helped Chelsea clean the house and then I washed the living room windows and screen door, inside and outside. I watered my flowers and spent a little time outside just enjoying the beautiful weather we had. When it was time to feed the horses I spent some much needed time with them. I brushed them and they were loving it, and cleaned their hooves. By the time I was done I was pretty beat, but it was really nice and the horses needed it as much as I did. Today I went to the grocery store and then had a meeting at Richards school. I actually fixed myself up a little bit, make up and all and even wore my wig!! So, it is really nice to be able to say I've had a couple good days, it seems like it's been a while.

Tomorrow I go see the surgeon for a follow-up visit to see how I'm doing and healing since surgery. I can't wait to talk to him and tell him about this tendon or what ever that is hurting me so much.

Wednesday I am hoping to do my daughters and her friends senior pictures. They are running out of time to get them in the yearbook, but they keep putting it off. The weather is supposed to be nice and hopefully Chelsea will be feeling better too. She has had a really bad cold the last couple of days.

Thursday I have my pre-chemo doctor visit and blood work done.

Friday I have my LAST chemo treatment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The time has gone by pretty darn fast. I can't wait to see how I will be feeling after not having chemo for a while. I'm hoping all of my aches and pains will go away!! Then I'm sure I'll be complaining to you all about having to drive to town every day for radiation . . . . . we are never happy . . . LOL We have an apple tree by the barn. The apples aren't worth eating but the deer and the horses love them. I got some of the apples the other day and made a trail of them that led into my back yard. I'm hoping to be able to see the deer out my kitchen window. Well today all but 2 of the apples are gone and one of them has a bit out of it. But did I get to see the deer eating them, NO . . .but I know it was the deer that got them cuz', they left deer poop behind. I hope those of you that have signed up to be notified of new post are getting the notice. I did not get a notice after publishing my last post, so I don't know if you did either. If I don't get a notice on this one I may e-mail you all. Well, the eyelids are getting heavy and it's not quite 8:30pm yet. I hope you are all doing well and I want to thank you all for subscribing to my blog and for all the positive thoughts and prayers that you send my way.

I'm working on some new note cards that I will be offering for sale on my photo website. Here are a couple of examples.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Shooting for the Cure . . .my new Online Store

2008-09-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

This post is both cancer and photography related. I am not doing the Equine Spirit site anymore. I have changed everything and now I have an Online Store called Shooting for the Cure. This online store is very easy to navigate and easy to order from. The whole purpose of this store is to raise money for breast cancer research. I am going to donate a minimum of 5% of all profits from this store to breast cancer research. So the more people buy, the more I will be able to donate!! I have kept the prices as low as possible to be able to pay for my cost of the items and still have enough to donate some money. Please tell your family and friends all about this store. There are lots of cool products to buy with lots of nice images on them. Christmas is just around the corner and there is something for almost everyone in this store. Here is a sample of some of the products available.

Coffee Cups

Framed Prints

Calendars

Shooting for the Cure Items

Journals

Tote Bags

Stage Three-Bisphosphonate

2008-09-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

I did not know there was going to be a friggin' Stage Three!!!!!!!!!!!! I still have one more chemo treatment, next Friday, Oct 3rd. After that I will get a 3 1/2 week rest and then meet with my oncologist and radiologist to discuss my Radiation Therapy. At that time I will learn more about "Stage Three".
I just picked up the information packet and consent form that explains Stage Three. This is all about a Study they are doing for patients who take bisphosphonates after chemo. The study is optional, I don't have to do it, but I don't know what my other choices are yet. I have plenty of time to consider doing this study or not, it just has to be started within 8 weeks of completing chemo. The drug is either given by IV or in pill form. I don't get to choose the method though, the study group chooses that for me. Here is what the info sheet says about

"Why is this study being done?" "This study is investigational and is being done to find out if adding a drug (a bisphosphonate) to hormonal therapy or chemotherapy will help prevent cancer from spreading to the bones or other parts of the body. "Bisphosphonates are a group of drugs that have strong effects on the bones and have been shown to strengthen the bones in many patients who take them."

Well, all of this sounded ok until I got the part about "side effects"!! There are different possible side effects depending on if you get this through an IV or take it in pill form. The possible side effects from the IV method sound a whole lot like the possible side effects from chemo.

I am really struggling with some of the side effects I've had from the chemo. My biggest complaints are fatigue, which is becoming extreme and body/muscle aches, which are getting worse. I think I actually have a form of myalgias, that is a less common side effect of one of the chemo drugs I am taking.

SO, the thought of MORE side effects does not thrill me at all. And here is the kicker . . . . this drug is taken for 3, yes that's 3 years!!!!

I'm attaching a pictures that is a close up of a rose. Wouldn't it be great to be able to climb in, curl up, and have all life's problems disappear!!

Keep Smilin'
Big Hugs,
Wendy

Always something NEW and not always good!!

2008-09-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was BAD!! For the first time in all of this I got nauseous and threw up!! I woke up, sat up and had an incredible headache. Within a couple of minutes I was heading to the bathroom feeling like I was going to get sick. Well, I did. there was not much there, mostly dry heaves but it was not fun. I was freaking out a little bit, first time to experience this. I was feeling awful but my head was killing me so I took 1 ibuprofen and 1 anti nausea pill and hoped I wouldn't end up throwing them up. I went back to bed and laid their for while. About an hour later I was RUNNING for the toilet again!! Oh man, I thought after all this time that this was just crazy!! Also for the last couple of days my ankles and feet have been swelling up. Also the bone pain from the neulasta shot was throbbing in my pelvic area!!! I was supposed to go to town and get blood test done but I was not feeling like I could make it. I called and left a message for the nurse to call me. Rick came home and I gave him a hug and just started crying. I'm really not liking this crap. He said he'd take me town later, if I needed to go get the blood work done. The nurse called and we talked for a bit. She said it was day 9 and my white blood cell count should be at it's lowest so it would be really good to get the test done if at all possible. It would give them something to work with in case I got any worse feeling. She said to keep track of my temp and if it goes up to call the doctor!! Well, I'm glad to say that I did not get nauseous for the rest of the day :) Today I woke up about 5:30am. I had coffee with Rick and then I went back to bed about 6:30-7am. Next thing I know Rick is in the bedroom checking on me. I finally woke up enough to look at the clock and it was 4pm!!!!!! Oh my goodness, I still can't believe I slept that long and especially since I still feel exhausted. My whole body is sore and kind of tingles. My back hurts, my eyes want to keep closing, I'm weak and I'm also sick and tired of feeling like this!!!!!!

Even though I'm not feeling nauseau any more I am taking my anti nauseaus pills, just to make sure!!

My neighbor lady came over the other day and brought me some roses, a cake and some tomatoes she had grow. People can be so very nice and I thank them dearly!! A couple days later I took the roses outside and took some pictures of them and took some more of my flowers too. So I have some new flower pics to share with you. I hope you enjoy them.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

This is a card I'm giving to the neighbor, featuring the roses she gave me.

This is a Bachelor Button with a water color effect

This is a poppy with a rough pastel effect

Sept 12, 2008 day after 5th chemo

2008-09-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,
The set of 3 shots did their job and my white blood cell counts were up where they were supposed to be, so I was able to go ahead with my chemo treatment yesterday.

I had my 5th of 6 chemo treatments yesterday. It was a long day, but all went well. I'm really glad I only have one more of these treatments left. I wanted to ask the doctor how many people ever decide mid way through chemo to not finish it? It just gets tougher as you go and I'm sure there are people out there that just say "no more". I know I had a hard time sitting in that chair for 3 1/2 hours yesterday just waiting for the poisonous chemicals to get from the plastic bags into my veins!! I will be getting the normal Nulasta shot this time, but waiting till Monday to get it to see if it lessens the bone pain any by getting it a few days later.

I watched a little T.V., but had to turn it off because I was watching a movie on Lifetime Movie Network . . . not advisable if you are going through any sort of emotional times in your life!! I had to turn it off before the end of the movie because I didn't want to start crying in the chemo room. I had a good lunch . . . it's great to be there at lunch time, they have good sandwiches and fruit and cookies. The nurses and the volunteers are just wonderful people!!

There was a lady that is a volunteer there and she came to me and brought me an afghan that she had crocheted. It is beautiful and the pattern is called Indian Tears, which I just love. She is part of a group, who's name I can't remember, but they make hats for all the newborn babies at the hospital and they also make these afghans and hats for the chemo patients. She later brought around some crocheted hats and let me choose one to keep.

I'm going to have to think of something special to do for all the people that work in the chemo room. I've seen other patients bring in flowers and food and that sort of thing. Maybe I can give them a framed copy of my Life Poem . . . . I know the ladies in the imaging department loved that when I gave it to them and it's something that they can hang up for everyone to see and hopefully gain some hope and peace from.

I'm also realizing that it's not going be as simple as getting through chemo and then getting through radiation and then it miraculously being over. This is something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. They don't tell you everything all at once, which is a good thing I suppose. It would be way to overwhelming to hear it all in the beginning when you are so new to finding out you have breast cancer. Although the chemo is to kill the cancer, like most things, it has side effects, but what I didn't realize was that some of the side effects can last much longer after the treatment is over.

Once chemo is over I'll get about a 3 1/2 week rest and then I will see my oncologist again and also see my radiation doctor. My oncologist mentioned a drug trial that he wants me to think about doing. The chemo zaps your body of a lot of things and I guess bone density is one of them. I may get some of this wrong so please don't quote me. I'll go over more with my doctor in a future visit. They've been using a drug that helps to build back up the bones and it's been doing very well. They've done most of the test by giving the drug through an IV and now they are testing it in a pill form. I'm sure I will do this test as the results have been very good. This drug I will have to take for 3-1/2 years.

I know there is still so much more to all of this than I am aware of right now. When I am done with all the chemo, radiation, etc., etc., and even if all the cancer is dead and gone, I know I'll have to go get blood test done regularly to check for cancer.

When I start radiation I will have to go to town to the cancer center every day Monday through Friday for 6 weeks. The side effects of radiation, like chemo, can be different for everyone. I have heard several people say that radiation kicked their butt worse than chemo when it came to fatigue. I also saw a gal who is much worse than me and her treatment is much more aggressive, she was at the cancer support group and she showed us the burns (sores) on her skin from the radiation and boy did it look like they hurt!!! Another lady who's treatment was not as aggressive didn't have any burns from her radiation. My treatment won't be that aggressive, so I'll think positive about the side effects.

Well, it's getting late so I'll try to get some sleep. I hope you are all doing well.

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Wednesday, Sept 3rd

2008-09-03T22:44:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone,

This last week has been a busy one, so I haven't really had time to write. Several things that I want to mention. First, I want to clarify, in case there was a misunderstanding with the way I worded it. When I got my MRI results back and said there was no cancer, I should have said, No Additional Cancer. The MRI was for my lower back where I've been having some pain and the doctor wanted to make sure the cancer had not spread to that area. The good new was that it had NOT spread. But what is causing my back pain is that I have degenerative disc disease. I saw my primary doctor today and she went over the MRI results with me. Of course the wording is kind of greek to me, but there are a few problems with my lower back. My doctor is sending the report to a back specialist to see if there is something that needs to be done at this time or in the near future. So, the bottom line is that she read me the report and we know what it says, but we really don't know what it means!! I will let you all know more as soon as I hear anything.

OK, now for the cancer stuff. I believe I mentioned that I did not get the nulasta shot after my last chemo treatment. The nulasta shot causes my body to produce more white blood cells, since the chemo zaps them and this is not good. The shot was causing me a lot of pain and my white blood count had been very, very good so the doctor thought we'd try it without the shot and see what happens. Because I didn't have the shot I had to go in for blood test on day 9 after chemo to check these white blood cell counts. Well that was last Friday and I didn't hear anything so I figured all was OK. Well, they called me today and said that my white blood cell count was very low on Friday and they wanted me re-tested today to see if it's improved or not. I got a call this afternoon and NO, they have not improved, they are still very low. So I had to go back in and get a shot. Although it causes my body to produce more white blood cells, it is different than the Nulasta shot that I did not get. AND I have to have 3 of these shots, 1 each day for 3 days!!! I think next time I'll just get the nulasta shot!!

I do hope the shots work because if my counts are down they will not do my next chemo treatment, which just prolongs everything. Also, if it gets too bad and doesn't improve, they could do a blood transfusion. I will of course keep you posted as things happen.

As I mentioned above, this has been a busy week. Last Sunday, Aug. 31st was my nieces and step-son's birthday. My sister put together a joint birthday party at her house. The theme was Super Hero's and some folks dressed up. It turned out really nice and everyone had a BLAST!! Donna, thank you again for doing all of that!!!!! Then on Tuesday school started, so we spent the last week getting the kids ready for that. The first couple of days have gone well for both of them!!

Here are a couple of pictures of 2 different rose's at my mom's house. They are so pretty. I don't have roses in my yard yet, but next year I will plant some.

Keep Smilin'

Hugs,

Wendy

Monday, Day 5 after 4th chemo

2008-08-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

I heard from the doctor late on Friday about my MRI. The good news is that they did NOT find any cancer or anything like that. The bad news is that I have Disc Disease and need to see my regular doctor for that. That's all I know right now until I see my other doctor . . . oh the joys!!!!!

I'm not feeling to good today, so I won't be writing much. I did want to share some photos I took on Saturday while I was out messing around in my yard . . . . before I started feeling like crapola!!

4 down, 2 to go

2008-08-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

I had my 4th chemo treatment yesterday. It was a very long day. I got to the cancer center at 11am for blood work, then a visit with the doctor, who was running very late, so chemo ran late and then I had to get an MRI done on my lower back. I didn't get home until 7pm!!

One thing the doc is doing different this time is he's not having me take the Nulasta Shot like usual. My white blood counts have been really good and he wants to see if it makes a difference in the bone pain I've been having after each treament. So hopefully I won't be in bed for 3 days feeling like total crud like before. But I will really have to monitor my temperature and see the doctor in the next week or so to have blood test to make sure my white blood count doesn't drop too much since I'm not getting the shot.

I am pretty pooped today. The effects of the chemo do get stronger with each treatment and seem to hit sooner each time. By last night my coffee was already tasting like crap!!

I talked to a lady in the waiting room yesterday. She was really nice and we started talking about the hair loss stuff. She is done with chemo and her hair has grown back, etc. I still have my eyebrows which is a really cool thing because people look really weird without eyebrows!! But I started out with really thick eyebrows and although they are still there, they are thinner. This lady told me yesterday that she had her eyebrows up until her 6th and last chemo treatment and then they fell out!!! GREAT!! Oh well, I'll just try to be happy that I don't have to shave my pits or legs for a while.

My chemo brain must be kicking in because I just went back and corrected about 10 typos in the above stuff and that's just not like me. So if something sounds weird because I typed it wrong or left out a word, please try to understand!!

Ok, time for a nap, or least I hope so. I'm finding out that steroids I'm taking not only make it hard for me to sleep sometimes, they are also the cause or possible cause of many other not so fun symptoms I am having. BUT, I'm not having a problem with nausea and vomiting which are my 2 least favorite things in the world, so they are working in that respect,so I'll try again not to complain too much. To clarify, if needed, the steroids are in the anti-nausea drugs that I take.

Keeping a positive attitude, like most other things is getting harder with each chemo treatment. But, I'm hanging in there and trying my best to keep my head up and remind myself that this is only temporary, this is only temporary!! Oh yeah, I talked to the nurse about the increadibly emotional days I've been having after chemo and she said that can also be caused by the STEROIDS!!! It's good to know that I'm not just going nuts, there is a reason for it, which helps just a little bit. But dang it's hard to get through those days, emotions can be so overwhelming, as well as very draining!!

OK, I'm going to hit the bed now and try to get some rest. I hope you are all doing well and that you are able to fully enjoy the upcoming weekend. This will be the first year in many that I won't be attending our local county fair . . . that's kind of hard for me to even think about, as it's been a pretty big part of my photography and life for the last few years. Oh well, who knows, maybe I'll get a burst of energy and head over there for a little bit . . . . . there is always wishful thinking!!

Keep Smilin'

Hugs,

Wendy

Rough Day Today

2008-08-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

I'm getting to where I am really not liking this at ALL. I know it's temporary and it's for the best and it will be over at some point, but right now I'm not liking it!! I've been feeling OK, but last night my back/pelvic/hips area started aching so bad I could not get comfortable and it took for ever to get to sleep!! Today I was very exhausted and my back was killing me. It doesn't hurt if I do anything particular, it just hurts constantly. A deep, ache that also goes down the back of my legs.

Anyway, I called the doctor and he gave me some pain pills and a muscle relaxer that I need insurance approval for, so it will be a couple days before I get that. Thank goodness the pain pills are working!!!!!! My back feels so much better and I hope I'll sleep tonight and be able to function somewhat tomorrow!!

The doctor doesn't just want to treat the pain I'm having but he wants to try and find out what is causing it. The scheduling lady is supposed to call me to set up an appointment for an MRI to check things out.

I am feeling a bit useless these days as I'm not able to accomplish much and at the same time I have very little ambition. I'm bored but lack the energy and/or desire to do much. It's a viscous cycle!!

Here is another photo or two that I will leave you with.

Keep Smilin'

Hugs,

Wendy

Quick notes & pictures

2008-08-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Well, not a whole lot going on so far this week. I've been feeling ok . . . . not great, but not too bad either, so it's been nice.

I did not sleep last night and it was about 6am before I went back to bed and finally got some sleep. But I'm not sure if it was enough because now I feel like I need a nap and I've only been up for a couple hours.

Our county fair starts next week. I've been the photographer for that for the last couple of years and just about live at the fairgrounds for 5 days. But of course I won't be doing that this year. BUT, the Friday of the fair there is a rodeo and it's Tough Enough to Wear Pink day. They will have breast cancer survivors riding in a wagon pulled by draft horses with Smokey the Bear and I have been asked if I would like to ride in the wagon!! I have chemo on Thursday, the day before, so I think I would be able to do this since I don't usually start feeling bad for a couple of days, so I think this could be really fun.

Since I was up early this morning, cuz' I never went to sleep, I went out and there was another deer under the apple tree. I was able to get my camera a take some photos. Although these images look like it was pretty light out, it was still a little dark and I was shoot over a 6ft chain link fence. Because of a little camera shake I got the below image which I think looks like an artsy painting and I totally LOVE it. I think you can click on it for a larger view.

While taking pics of the deer Spooky and Cowboy had to come over and visit me at the fence. Then they started scratching each other!!

Made it through another week!!

2008-08-08T01:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it's very late Thursday or actually very early Friday morning . . . about 1AM. I'm having trouble sleeping again and have to wonder if its because for 3-4 days after chemo that's about all I did . . . I slept more than ever before.

This last week has been a lot like the others after chemo. The body aches kick in and I don't do much but rest and/or sleep . . . like I said above . . . . I slept a lot this time. My mouth got bad again, so I took the lozenges . . . but they haven't seemed to help as much as before. I also got a yeast infection this time and I have another small but painful cyst on my pantie line area!!

My mom came over yesterday and she gave me the most wonderful foot rub . . . .Thank you mom!!!

I did sleep in this morning but no nap today. I spent hours cleaning my office which was a major undertaking!! I've also been really busy making changes to my other website . . . http://www.theequinespirit.com/ Please check it out :) And think about it when it's time to start shopping for Christmas . .or someones birthday . . . . or anniversary . . . or if you just want a little something special for yourself. 10% of all proceeds from sales on that site will be donated to breast cancer research!!

Wednesday morning I was up really early . . . after it got light out I went outside for a minute. I looked and there was a deer in with my horses. I stood real still and just watched it for a while. It went through the fence to an apple tree that is close by and I watched as this deer kept getting up on his hind legs and taking apples from the tree!! I just couldn't stand it anymore so I went inside to get my camera . . . . well when I got back out there the deer was gone!!!! Since I had my camera and wanted to wait a bit in case the deer came back, I took some pictures of my flowers. Here are a couple that I think look really pretty and wanted to share them with you all.
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Chemo Sucks . . . yep, I said it!!

2008-08-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

Well, it's definitely getting worse as time goes on. I had chemo 2 days ago, yesterday I got the nulasta shot, by yesterday afternoon I was in bed feeling pretty rough. I got up for dinner . . . wasn't hungry, but knew I had to eat something. Went back to bed and tried to rest. Before I knew it the emotions hit. First it starts with my brain going over every stressful, awful, emotional thing that has ever happened to me, well maybe not every thing . . that would put me over the edge for sure. So far I'm just close to the edge!!! Everything from feeling sorry for myself to being really pissed off!!! It's amazing how much tears and snot the body can produce!!! Where does it all come from?!?!?!?

No need to worry, I'm better today, but wanted to share some of this.

Last night the hot flashes and cold sweats hit really hard. It was so hard to get comfortable, hot and sweaty one minute, freezing the next. It's hard when all you want to do is go to SLEEP!!!

I can't imagine being any less of a strong and positive person and being able to get through these tough times.

I want to write more but there are so many thoughts and emotions going through my head, that as I type it, it doesn't make sense or sound right.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is now almost 8pm, I've been able to get some rest today, but it's been rough. The emotions hit me again really hard this afternoon. . . . wow, the body is an amazing and powerful force!!

Don't ever let anyone tell you this chemo stuff isn't too bad. I know they've come a million miles in the treatment and I couldn't imagine what it must have been like to go through this 15, 10 or even 5 years ago, but let me tell you it's still no walk in the park. It effects every aspect of your life and the lives of your family. And I know I have it much better than some, so I try not to complain too much, but I've got to get it out of my system and then I can be thankful for everything else.

OK, the chemo brain is kicking in and I'm loosing focus, so I better call it a night. Plus I don't want to say too much while I'm so emotional and feeling like crap . . . oh yeah, the nulasta shot has kicked in so now I have the body aches too.

But again, I'm not having a whole lot of other possible side effects, so I have to be and am very thankful for that . . . . very Thankful!!!! I'm so blessed in so many ways and I have to remember that and things could always be worse. And this to shall pass . . . . and this too shall pass.

I'm sorry if I don't make sense sometimes, I hope you will all try to understand. I thank you all so much for reading my blog and for your support!!!!

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Pre-Chemo Yesterday-Chemo today

2008-07-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

I had my pre-chemo visit with the doctor, or really with his nurse practitioner yesterday. The good news is that all my blood test came back really good. They even have a test that tells how much water your body has or something like that. She told me that my fluid intake has been really good and to keep it up. I just looked at her and smiled. I was a little confused because she made it sound like I was drinking a lot of water, I didn't bother to tell her that my main liquid consumption is COFFEE!!!!!

It was also good to know that my fatigue is being caused by the chemo and not because I'm anemic . . . my red and white blood cells are all looking really good. She reminded me and I'm glad she did, that on average chemo zaps 50% of your normal energy level. I then remebered reading and hearing about that, I just forgot and also didn't think it would hit so soon.

To better help me cope with all this I need to start thinking about it a little different. I'm a pretty positive person, but in certain situations one has to face reality and too much positive thinking can actually have a negative effect, especially when a positive result is statistically against you. So, instead of thinking and waiting for the next day to be better, and being bummed when it's not, I have to realize I'm going to have more "not so good days" and less "really good ones". So my mind set has got to be that most days will be "not so good" or "worse" and then when I do have the good days it will be a nice surprise and I can take advantage of it. The nurse did say that as hard as it may sound . . . . some exercise is really good for battling the fatigue.

She also looked at my hands and said I need to get a good intensive lotion for my hands and feet. She said that sometimes they can get so dry that they really hurt and she said I don't want that happening if possible. So I've got to get some good lotion and put it on 3 times a day!!! I have pretty dry skin to begin with and it doesn't get lotioned even once a day . . . I'm just not too good at that kind of thing . . . you know . . . taking care of ME, so 3 times a day will be a lot. Maybe I can get Chelsea and Richard to help, that would be nice and relaxing.

Ok, gotta go for chemo. I'll write more later or tomorrow.

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

The last few days have been tough one's

2008-07-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

First, I don't get to many comments from readers on my blog, but I do get several e-mails from you all and I want to thank everyone for writing to me.

The last few days have been really tough. I wrote previously about what a good weekend I had last weekend and I did some yard work, etc. Well, Monday and Tuesday were OK, but it's been down hill ever since.

I guessing it's fatigue, but I'm not liking it. I was looking so forward to feeling good the week before my next treatment, like I did last time, but it's not happening this time. I wasn't expecting to feel like this so soon, if at all. I've been tired, depressed, emotional, tired, depressed, did I mention tired?!?!?

I hear that some people kind of breeze through all this and others don't. I just didn't think I would be one of the "don'ts"!!

I know the side effects can be different after each treatment, but I gotta tell ya, I can't imagine feeling like this for the next few months!!

On a good note . . . . we got the last of my hay today. I'm good to go for another year. Boy, that is such a relief, I just can't tell you how great it is to not have to worry about that. The last 2 weekends we had some helpers, but today it was just Rick, Chelsea and me. I didn't do much, I wanted to but Rick wouldn't let me and I probably couldn't have done a whole lot . . . except I did help put bales on the hay ladder toward the end when Rick and Chelsea were getting pretty wore out. That hay ladder is the best dang investment we've made . . . I just don't know how we would have done it without the hay ladder, especially with 100# bales, which is what we had today . . . . 80 of them!!!! I guess we just wouldn't have been able to do it, those puppies are HEAVY!!!!! I thank Rick and Chelsea so much for all the hard work they did for me and my horses!!

I hope you are all having a good weekend!!
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

I have a new website

2008-07-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

Several years ago I was trying to come up with possible business names, for several different reasons. I have a bookkeeping business and I was thinking about starting a photography business and I wanted to start a horse/people rescue, etc., etc. I came up with one name . . . . The Equine Spirit and I purchased the domain for this . . . theequinespirit.com several years ago.

So for several years I had not come up with any good ideas to use this name for, but I had a feeling the day would come and when it did I'd already have the name picked out and the domain to go with it.

Well that time has come. The Equine Spirit . . . .http://www.theequinespirit.com/ is my new website. This new site is not really about my photography business, but instead it's about selling photo products with my images on them and donating a percentage of the sales to breast cancer research. What I have done with this website so far is just the beginnng . . . I'm not sure where it will end up going but I'm looking forward to it.

So check it out if you get a chance and let me know what you think of it.

I had a really good day today. I was feeling great and got some yard work done and it felt so good to be able to do this!!! I should, for the most part, feel pretty good until after my next chemo treatment which is scheduled for July 30th.

I hope you all had a good weekend.
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Coffee starting to taste like . . .Coffee . . .it's a sign!!!!!

2008-07-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

I have great news!!!!! This morning my coffee is starting to taste like, well like COFFEE!!!!!!! This really is good news and I see it as a sign that I am getting better.

For the last week I've been drinking coffee but it doesn't taste like coffee . . . . it doesn't really taste like anything. It's frustrating because I keep craving a good cup of coffee and although I'm drinking it, it has not been satisfying that craving!!!

So I think within a couple of days coffee and food will really start tasting like it should. Some people say that food has a real metal or metallic taste after chemo. I have not experienced that kind of taste, my food and drink just doesn't have much taste to it of any kind!!

I'm sure it doesn't help that my mouth gets really messed up after chemo. At first it gets kind of a numb feeling to it and after a few days I start to get little sores on my tongue and the inside of my lips get a little raw. Then I start to get the white patches (thrush) and that's why I have special medicated lozenges that I have to suck on. Now that I know this will probably happen after each chemo I will start the lozenges a couple days sooner next time so hopefully it won't get as bad. I'm lucky it doesn't get so bad that I can't eat or drink because it sounds like it can get that bad for some people.

Ok, it's a little chilly in the house this morning. I'm going to get another cup of "almost taste like coffee" coffee and go sit outside in the sun!!!!!! I haven't been able to tan my head yet, maybe I should start on that today!!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

You would think . . . . but noooooo . . . . . .

2008-07-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it just make sense that a person would/should feel progressively better each day after having chemo? Well, I guess it just doesn't work that way. Plus I think I'm just a little impatient, just a little!! Today is only one week since I had treatment, but sometimes it feels like forever.

I feel better than I did last weekend, but I still feel "not so good" and when I don't wake up feeling better than I did the day before . . . . I wonder why.

I think what I might be feeling today is fatigue. I've read where fatigue is different from just being tired or sleepy. I don't like it though. One minute I will feel ok and the next minute I can't find a chair quick enough to sit down in. I was going to go to the neighbors house tonight to talk to them with Rick about putting up a barn. Just before leaving my stomach started not feeling good, so I stayed home, afraid to venture to far from the bathroom, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, yes I'm complaining, sorry. Just feeling a little low today. I suppose that is to be expected and I'm real glad it doesn't happen too often.

I've been thinking a lot about my photography and what I'm going to do with it. I think I'm going to do things different when I start up the business again. I also think I'm supposed to use my journey with cancer in some way with my photography and part of the proceeds will be donated to a cancer organization. I'm not sure what or how yet, it hasn't quite come to me, but I can totally feel it's out there just waiting for the right time to reveal itself.

Hmmmm, ok, I will leave you with my favorite quote regarding photography . . . .

"No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough for the photographer It has chosen" . . by Minor White

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

2008-07-15T04:57:00.000-07:00

It's almost 5am and I've had some trouble sleeping tonight. Just got up and had coffee with Rick before he left, checking e-mail and then hope to go to bed and get some sleep.

Feeling a little bit better than I did over the weekend, but still a little weak and shaky. My stomach has been giving me some problems too. Just a little nausea, but some gas & pains and a little diarrhea. My mouth is hurting again with sores and thrush, so yesterday I started taking the lozenges they prescribed for this. Next time I'll start the lozenges sooner and try to avoid it getting this bad. Like last time food doesn't have much taste to it and my coffee taste like . . . . well it doesn't taste like coffee!!!!!!!!!!

I had a business appointment yesterday and wore my wig for the "official" first time. It was great and because I was so focused on what the meeting was about I even forgot that I was wearing a wig!! Of course as soon as I got home the sucker came off, but it worked out really well.

Getting sleepy so maybe I'll try to go back to bed now.
Hope everyone is doing well.
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Saturday, July 12, 2008

2008-07-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

2nd treatment down, 4 to go!! I had treatment on Wednesday this week. I forgot how emotional I get after the chemo treatments. It starts the day after treatment and only last a couple of days, thank goodness. Thursday and Friday I could have and did cry about everything, even if it didn't need cried about!! Today is a little better, although thinking about it all makes me want to cry again!! The body aches, from the shot, started yesterday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough today. But I can only lay in bed for soooooo long without going crazy so I thought I'd write a little here today. I just took some pain meds so hopefully I'll be able to take a nap in a little bit. It's so beautiful outside and so much I'd like to be doing in the yard . . . . uggghhhh, "this is only temporary, this is only temporary, this is only temporary"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the most part I'm being very positive about all of this. I go through the days and just don't think too much about it, it's just the way it is right now. Then, especially after treatment, I "think" about it. Last night was a little hard as I got pretty emotional, but not as bad as last time. I sat in bed and really thought about what I'm going through. Thank goodness I don't do this often, but I'm sure it wouldn't be normal if I didn't think about these things. Luckily I'm too busy most of the time to "think" about it all, but not after chemo, 'cuz, there's not much else I can do!! I have breast cancer. I have breast cancer. I really, really have breast cancer!!!!! WOW, sometimes it's still hard for me to totally realize this. I've had 2 operations, I'm missing almost 1/2 of my right breast, I've lost my hair, I'm going through chemo, I'm going through chemo, then I'll go through radiation. Then who knows what?!?!?!?! Do not get me wrong . . . . I am NOT complaining . . . I'm just stating the facts. Facts that I have a hard time believing sometimes. Remember, this stuff happens to other people, not to "me" or "you", right??? Wrong . . . now I'm "other people"!!!! and sometimes this just hits me harder than other times.

But the minute I think I might be complaining I've got to counter it, because I am so Blessed in so many ways. It could be much worse . . . . and I am fully aware that there are so many out there that have it much, much worse than me. Just thinking about this makes me cry. A couple of weeks ago I was outside the grocery store and I passed a man in a wheelchair that had no legs. I moved over so he could get by and he said "thank you". I just wanted to grab him and hug him and ball my eyes out. I sit here now crying as I think about this. Yep, I'm just a LITTLE emotional today!! One thing I struggle with in all of this is how it effects my family members. I sometimes feel bad that they have to go through this with me. Again, I am so fortunate and blessed that I have such a wonderful, supportive family. My mom, my sister, my brother, my nieces, my aunt, my kids, my hubby, my friends, anyone reading this . . . . . everyone!!!!!!!!!!

It's that time of year to get hay for the horses. My hubby Rick is NOT a horse person and he doesn't quite understand that I don't ride my horses, but he totally supports me in having them. Yesterday he went and got 4 ton of hay for me. This is only part of what I need, so we'll do this a couple more times, but 4 ton is all that will fit in his dump truck. Yep, he gets my hay in his dump truck!! Bet you don't see too many dump trucks around hauling hay!!!!!!! Anyway, these bales are 95 pounds each and 4 ton equals 86 of them!!!! My daughter Chelsea and her friend Arika and the neighbor boy helped Rick get all this stacked in the barn for me. For me, for me, for me!!!! It was really hard for me because all I could do, well, all Rick would let me do is "supervise" and count the bales. Mom, if you read this, put your slipper away, I didn't do any work!!! (I love you)!!!!

Well, Chemo Brain, as they call it, just kicked in. I have gone totally blank on what I was thinking and writing about!!!! The pain meds are kicking in too so that doesn't help. I just can't say enough about how Blessed I really am. God is amazing and He has a plan and just knowing that makes things a lot easier to deal with. I'm giving you all a "virtual" group hug . . . . I love you and thank you for reading and commenting on my blog!!!!! I'll leave you know with a picture of me in my new wig.
Keep Smilin'
Love and Hugs,
Wendy

Tuesday-July 8th

2008-07-09T01:28:00.001-07:00

I had my pre-chemo visit with oncologist today. He really is a nice man and that really helps A LOT!!
My blood test all look good and I'm a go for my chemo treatment tomorrow. I may have mentioned this before, but they do blood test before every treatment to make sure everything looks ok. If my white blood cell count was way low or other things, they may postpone treatment, which just prolongs things and I hope I don't have to ever worry about that. They have lots of safety measures to make sure your body is handling things ok, or at least as ok as they can be while on chemo!!

He is going to lower my Nulasta shot from 6 to 2 (milligrams or whatever they use to measure it) . That's the shot that kicked my butt last time and gave me sever bone and body pain. Also my white blood cell count is still like almost 20,000 times more than it should be, so I shouldn't need so much of the shot and that means I hopefully won't feel so much pain from it. The shot causes my body to produce more white blood cells. Because I produced sooooo much from the shot and it builds up in the bones, that's what causes the pain.

I had to start my anti-nausea drugs today. I take 2 twice a day the day before, day of and day after chemo. They also give me some in my IV before the chemo drugs. The only issue I have with this drug is that it contains steroids and can make it difficult for you to sleep. I already have problems with falling asleep at night. I was doing well for a while but have slowly gone back to being a bit of a night owl and since starting chemo and especially with some of these drugs it's made it worse. I told the doc that sometimes the sun is coming up before I fall asleep!! So here it is 1:37 am and although I'm feeling a little tired and my back is hurting, I haven't even tried to go to bed yet. Maybe I will after I'm done with this.

I have some sleeping pills the surgeon gave me but I haven't taken them for a while. I seem to be taking so many pills these days and I wanted to make sure it was ok with my oncologist that I take these. He said that yes, I could take them, but I forgot tonight and it's way too late to take one now. I've got to get up for chemo in the morning!!

Ok, I've got to go. But I have to tell you . . . I found and bought a wig today. It's amazing how real the wigs look now a days. I absolutely love this thing. It's a style that I'd never be able to get my hair to do and that's what i wanted, something different than what I could or have been doing with my hair all these years. I don't really plan to use it all that much, but on special occasions it will be nice to have around. My sister took pictures of me wearing it this evening and she will be sending me the files and I will post pics as soon as I can.

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

A Good Day & Pictures!!

2008-07-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

Well this morning I showed Richard my hair, or lack of it and tonight I finally took my scarf off and let Rick see me.

This weekend I buzzed Richards hair, a normal little boy buzz. He later said he wants it all buzzed off. Well today as soon as I took off my scarf for him to see, he said "I want my hair just like yours mom"!!

So tonight we buzzed it short!! Earlier today I had Chelsea take some photos of me and then tonight she took some of me and Richard, both with our buzzed heads!!

I have to tell you, now that everyone in my house has seen my near bald head and I can walk around without anything on it . . . . I feel great!!! It's really kind of liberating. I really wish I had b*lls enough to go out in public like this . . . maybe someday . . . after I get it a little tanned!!

We had a lot of fun taking pictures. I was really goofing off and Chelsea was just laughing at me the whole time. Richard said . . . she's America's Next Top Model . . . . so here you go, my America's Next Top Model debut!!! he-he . . as long as we're having fun I guess that's all that matters.

I also went to a Breast Cancer Support Group meeting today and it was nice meeting other women, all going through different stages and levels of breast cancer.

I've been feeling really good for about a week now, I guess it's probably normal . . . to get feeling better just before the next chemo session. I see the oncologist tomorrow for my pre-chemo visit and then I have chemo on Wednesday. I changed it from Thursdays to Wednesdays.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the pictures!!

You can click on the photos for a larger view . . . . . if you dare!!!!

Hugs,
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Hair Loss, Buzzers, Scarves & Wigs

2008-07-04T20:34:00.001-07:00

Well, I have to say that I am a bit amazed at how quickly my hair was coming out. This morning it was getting pretty thin, I could even see my scalp in some places. I had to run errands and I put on my "Tough Enough to Wear Pink" ball cap. I gotta say that even with that on, the hair on my neck was pretty thin and not looking too good. I realized that I would not be able to go anywhere without a hat or something on. Later today it was even thinner and I realized it was still going to look bad even with a ball cap on.

So this evening I did what I've heard most women do at this point . . . . I buzzed my head!!!!!

As I stood in the shower washing my scalp and looking in the mirror I thought . . . every woman should experience this at least once in their lifetime.

Boy I have to tell you that this was quite the experience. I was handling it pretty well until I went outside and told Rick that I don't think I'll be leaving the f^()+#%%$$ house for a long time and then I started crying. He was a real sweetheart about it and gave me a big hug and said it's all going to be ok. I had a scarf on so he hasn't seen it yet and honestly I'm really worried and scared about him seeing it. I said that he doesn't know if he might freak a little when he actually sees it, but he said that he won't. Later he came in the bedroom where I was pouting, came over and gave me another hug and kiss and said we could get me an eye patch and I'd look like a pirate!! (because of the scarf I am wearing). I have to say that it did make me laugh, so it was a good thing. I'm still not to sure about leaving the house though!!

I've said many times that I think I'm more of a scarf & hat person than a wig person, but I may have to take that back. I was looking at wigs online last night and I was really surprised at how nice some of them looked. I could have a hair cut and style that my natural hair could never have done. I'm actually looking forward to the possibility of getting a really cool wig. But I also want to get good at putting on and wearing scarves. I found a great pattern today that has about 5 different scarf/hats to sew, they are perfect for what I'm needing.

It's going to be tough but plan to have Chelsea take some pictures of me this weekend. I might cover my face or put on sunglasses or ??, but want to be brave enough to post pictures on here of me as I go through this.

It's been a long day and I'm tired so I'm going to watch TV and hopefully go to sleep soon.
I hope you all have a great 4th of July!!!
Hugs,
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Day 14---NOT GOOD--Losing my hair!!!

2008-07-02T13:57:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone, Well, I got out of the shower this morning as usual. Dried off, got dressed and proceeded to comb my hair. It seems like a few extra hairs were falling in the sink, but then I thought . . . oh, it's probably just my imagination. Getting ready to run errands and I told Chelsea that it seemed like more hair came out while combing it this morning. I then reached up and grabbed a section of hair and pulled and OH MY GOSH I just about died!!!!!!! There I stood with a hand full of hair!!! I looked at Chelsea and freaked a little. She grabbed my hand and took the hair and gave me a big hug. While running errands I kept grabbing more hair and more kept coming out. Hmmm, I wonder how long it will take to all be gone? Crap-o-la, it begins!!!! I don't like photos of my self, not at all, so it takes a lot for me to post them on here, but here is one taken 2 weeks ago, the day I got it cut again. I figure I'd post it then we'll all have something to compare it to in the future.
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Blood Test, etc

2008-06-30T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,
I had a follow-up visit with the nurse today to see how I was doing after my first chemo treatment. Although I had several of the side effects and did not have some others, the good news is that my blood test came back great!! Nothing is low and some things are actually high.
Because the blood test results are so good, the nurse is going to talk to the doctor about lowering my dose of Nulasta. This is the shot I get the day after chemo to help my body produce white blood cells. Well, this is also the shot that caused me to feel like I'd been run over by a train, body aches, etc. So if they can lower that dose maybe I won't hurt so much the next time.

I'm still very tender when touched. Not much more I can do about it, taking pain pills etc., but I'm wondering how long this will continue?!?!?!?!

Boy, I am very sleepy tonight, so I'll take a shower and get to bed. Here's some images I took of Trouble yesterday.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Friday & Saturday

2008-06-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
Some very dear friends from Colorado came to town on Thursday!! Got to visit with them for a few hours and then on Friday morning I met them for breakfast. They were going to check out the downtown area & boardwalk and then start their way back home to Colorado.

Wes & Carolyn . . . it was totally wonderful to see you guys. I'm so glad you were finally able to make it up to my neck of the woods!!!! Now the Coeur d'Alene you've always heard about is no longer a mystery.

I felt pretty good on Friday. After breakfast I messed around and then took a little rest. After dinner I went outside and worked on a pile of old hay & twine from the winter. I started raking it up and got some of it burned. I'm trying to get the little pasture out front cleaned up and looking nice . . . . it may take me a while, ha, a long while!! Anyway, it felt good to accomplish something although it wasn't much . . . . but I was pretty tired afterward. Today coffee & food tasted better than it has since I had treatment!!

Today (Saturday) . . . I'm feeling, well, not as good as yesterday. I woke up early 7am and went outside and had coffee and totally enjoyed the morning. Then my stomach started acting up on me. I had to take some Imodium AD (for diarrhea) oh joy, now I'm at the other end of that spectrum!! My skin is starting to hurt me again. It's not too bad right now, but I wonder if it will get bad again like it was last week. I had a little nap this afternoon and Rick and I might go get something to eat . . . . I hope my stomach holds out!!

Rick got my hay elevator working this morning . . . yippee!! We are going to have to start getting hay soon. I never look forward to hay season, but this year is worse since I'm going through this crap. Hopefully I'll be able to find a couple of young, strong bodies to help with it all. Between my chemo and his bad back, well, we are kind of a mess. And to top it off, the poor guy, his knee is hurting him real bad and now it's swollen with fluid. He will be able to see the doctor on Monday.

Well, that's all for now. Hope you are all doing well.
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Wednesday - June 25th

2008-06-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

Well today has been interesting. First, Chelsea got her drivers license yesterday . . . yippie!! She went out after dinner for her first solo drive. She went to visit a friend and stop by the store for a few things . . . . she even got home a little early!! We didn't give her enough money for the stuff she was getting so she had to use some of her own and she also put some gas in the car, $10.00 worth. Between what she spent at the store and on gas, boy was that a big deal to her. I was going to pay her back the 5.00 she spent at the store and then talked to her about the money I spent on her written and driven test, her permit and her drivers license . . . she decided 5 bucks wasn't a big deal after all.
It has occurred to me and I shared this a little with Chelsea today, that I think this summer is going to be an amazing one for the whole family and for Chelsea as an individual. Although this summer will be nothing like any of us thought due to my having cancer, I think that now it's going to be even better and be much more of a learning experience for all of us. I believe that will include a whole lot of growing, bonding, appreciation, love and other life skills for us all. I think that due to her age and that she'll be 18 in one year and can't wait to move out on her own, that this summer and all that she learns and experiences will be huge for her. I think and hope it will help her to have a little better sense of herself and of the world around us. She will experience a lot of things that she otherwise may not have experienced until she actually moves out. So I'm hoping that will put her one more step ahead of the game when the time comes. She has a very good head on her shoulders and she's a smart girl, but we older folks know that turning 18 and moving out on our own is not all that it's cracked up to be. Lots of stuff happens that we just didn't figure out on paper. I believe that after this summer and the rest of the year for that matter, that Chelsea will be much better prepared for the "real world" than she would have been if all this wasn't happening to us.
Happening to "us" . . . that's another thing I think about often. Although I'm the one with breast cancer, it's not just happening to me, it's happening to my family, my immediate family, as well as my extended family, in which I include my close friends. It's happening to "us". There are times when I feel bad about this . . . bad that what I'm going through is effecting the lives of those I love. This isn't going to be easy for me and it's not going to be easy for them either!! I try to tell them all the time how much I love them and appreciate all that they are doing to help me. I never want them to be over looked or left out as major components in my battle with cancer. I do tell them and hope they really know how much I love and appreciate them. I thank God for them everyday!!

Well, that was not at all what I started out to write, but I guess that's what I needed to write. So here's an update on me. GREAT news is that my "system" got cleaned out this morning and is no longer backed up. It all went very smooth and pretty much normal, thank goodness!!
I'm feeling weird today. I've got some pain coming from what I would call my "core". It seems to be in my lower back, pelvic region and radiates out from there. Sometimes when I sit down the pain pulses with my heartbeat for a few seconds and then goes away. This is a dull, but strong ache, not sharp or piercing. I thought that I would feel better today than I do, but that is not the case. No matter, I still feel better than I did a few days ago and I'm sure I will continue to improve, just not at the pace that I would like. I did call the nurse and she got me some medicine for my mouth, that is hurting me pretty good. I've got an infection in there, which is a possible side effect and now have some lozenges I have to suck on 4 times a day. My desk is starting to look like a small pharmaceutical supply depot!!!

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Feeling Better Today - Tuesday

2008-06-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

Boy, oh boy, oh boy . . . . thank goodness I am feeling 1/2 human again this morning. I don't know if it's timing, the new meds or a combo, but I can touch my skin and my body doesn't hurt much this morning.
Woke up early, just before 5am and got to see Rick before he left for work. That doesn't happen often, so it's nice when it does. Who knows, maybe I'll become an early bird through this process, but then again maybe NOT!!
I still have not gone "potty" yet, if you get my drift. Yes Marriah, I'm doing, eating, taking everything they are suggesting, thank you sweetie!!
It's kind of sad and funny, or not, that it becomes a big deal whether or not I have a bowel movement . . . I'm sure it's a part of getting older too, but the chemo and the pain pills just make it worse. I'm also trying to be careful not to over do it on the fruit, laxatives, etc., because I don't want to end up with a major eruption and spend days on the throne!! he-he . . . yep, trying to keep the humor!!

I'm going to go back to bed in a little bit and get some more sleep. A little later I want to take Chelsea to town so she can take her written drivers test and hopefully get her license. She took the actual driving test on Saturday and passed with flying colors. Part of me is so glad that she'll have her license, especially now that I have cancer and will need her help more than before, BUT another part of me is scared to death about her being out on the roads. She is a good driver and like I try to tell her . . . it's not her I'm worried about doing something wrong, it's all the other crazy people out there who don't pay attention and don't know what they are doing half the time. The timing of her getting her license and me having cancer treatment couldn't be more perfect, but then again, God does amazing things now doesn't He!!!!

My tongue is really sore this morning. Yesterday food didn't taste like food. It didn't taste like anything really. Chelsea made me some cinnamon toast and it smelled and looked so good but I was bummed when I ate it 'cuz, I couldn't really taste it . . only if a piece of cinnamon hit the edge of my tongue. Dinner was the same way, we had bacon and it looked and smelled so good, but not taste!! And the worst thing of all and those who know me know this is HUGE . . . my coffee, what I can taste of it, does not taste very good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again, I try to find the positive in this . . . I drink way too much coffee, so with not feeling good and it not tasting really good, I have and probably will continue to cut way down on the amount I drink.

I'm starting to rattle on so just one more thing. I was taking a shower last night and washing my hair. Which by the way I got cut really short last week and will post another photo soon, before it's gone. But anyway, I was washing my hair and had a moment of panic when I realized that one of these days I'll be washing it and a lot more than just shampoo is going to rinse out of it.

It's 6:05am and I'm going to go back to bed for a bit. It's going to be a gorgeous day today and I'd like to be able to enjoy it a little. Oh, maybe I can see if Rick can find and hang up the hammock for me. That sounds so nice!!!

I hope you all have a great day.
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Sunday-3 days later

2008-06-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

I can remember when I was in labor with my 4th baby . . . Chelsea Ann. I was probably within an hour of having her when I said to everyone "I really don't want to be doing this". . . . or something to that effect. I just remember that I felt and said it so seriously, like it would make it all stop. Yeah, right!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I woke up this morning and was thinking . . . . I really don't want to be doing this . . . . .

I feel like I've been in a train wreck. Every part of my body from my knees up hurts. It gets worse as you go up, meaning I can barley touch my face. This actually started yesterday, but has gotten worse.
I called the doctor just to make sure I wasn't going to die and to hopefully find out this is normal. He said it's ok and that I need to take tylenol, etc. for the pain. Well yesterday & last night the tylenol, ibuprophen and other pain pills I have from my surgery didn't help much. I'll see how they work this morning.

I'm also getting a little worried about possible constipation. I've been trying to eat and drink everything that I need to help in this department, but I'm going to have my hubby pick me up something at the store, just in case. I also have a recipe from the cancer center to make up a bulk laxative concoction, that I may have to consider if this continues to be a problem.

I don't want to scare anyone who may face this now or in the future, by writing about my symptoms. Please remember that one thing they really stress is that everyone is very different and can react a million different ways to chemo. The pain I'm feeling today is not pleasant, but it's very tolerable. And honestly if I had to choose side effects I'd take this over vomiting and/or diarrhea any day!!

Well, I think I'll try to get comfy and rest for a little while, hopefully the pain meds will kick in or maybe I'll fall asleep, or maybe both!!

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

June 20th, the day after

2008-06-20T18:55:00.001-07:00

Hello there,
Well, I'm doing pretty good today. A little tired, but that's probably more from the stress & anxiety of everything. I've been keeping up on my anti-nausea drugs, and so far nothing in that department. I'm being positive, but not holding my breathe, as they say it doesn't usually hit for a couple of days, but every one is different.

I had to go get the white blood cell shot today. It was not bad at all, not even as bad a getting blood drawn. They did give it to me right in the belly, just to the right of my belly button, where I have a little extra substance (fat) to poke!! They say the body absorbs it better by giving it in the stomach. She said I could get sore joints from this shot, but to take Tylenol or one of my pain pills if needed.

Last night my fingers and toes swelled up a little bit, but not much. Today my tongue has felt a little numb, just a little.
Tonight my back is hurting a bit. I think I'll get comfy and watch some TV.

I will probably do as much of a day by day journaling of my experience as possible. . . ups, downs, aches, pains, bad and good things, as I go through this. Several reasons that I want to do this and why I started the blog in the first place. One to help others who may go through this themselves or maybe they have a close friend or family member that ends up in my situation. I know it may bet boring and not everyone will want to read it, but I am most positive that it will help someone someday . . . even if it's just one person, it's more than worth it. Plus it's a way of me being able to document my experience.
If any of you have someone, now or in the future, that has to go through this, please don't hesitate to send them to my blog or to even write directly to me, if they want to.

I have only been to the cancer center a couple of times, but it is becoming apparent to me that some people form strong bonds and friendships there. I suppose after you go there a few time for treatment and to see the doctor, you get to know some of these folks and you can sure understand what they are going through because you are going through it too. It's hard too, because I know a lot of these people have it much worse than me and that makes me sad.
I just want to say that the nurses and staff and everyone are just amazing, wonderful people!!

OK, one other thing for the record . . . I've been very emotional today. Not bawling or anything like that, just the slightest things have easily made me cry. Ok, got to go get some tissue now and see what's on the tube.

I hope those of you that live near me have been able to enjoy some of this awesome weather we have been having!!

I have really enjoyed the comments you have been leaving and the e-mails I receive also. Thank you so much, it means a lot to me!!

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

1 down and 5 to go!!

2008-06-19T19:55:00.000-07:00

It's been such a long, long day, that it feels like it was days ago that I wrote the post that I did this morning!!
I had my first Chemo treatment today. It went well, not too bad, just long sitting there in the chair for 3+ hours. BUT I got the newest chair in a private room .. .walls on both sides and a sliding glass door on the front. There are only a couple of those and a couple of semi private rooms and a couple with beds in them. The rest of the area is open space with recliners all along the wall. Each section does have curtains if you want to close them for more privacy and they have TV's & VCR's & movies that you can watch. This newest chair has both message & heat settings. I didn't use the heat but I did use the low setting of the back message . . .it was nice. I felt kind of bad because my mom had to sit in a regular doctors office chair all this time!! They also served me lunch which was pretty good. Then I just rested and tried to sleep. The first stuff they give me in my IV is a anti-nausea drug, then they give me a bag of the first chemo drug and when that's done, they give me one more bag of another chemo drug. Each bag takes about and hour. Toward the end of the last bag I was really starting to get into a deep sleep. I remember hearing voices and trying to wake up, but it just kept pulling me back into the sleep. Then the machine started beeping, loud beeping, which it does everytime a bag is almost gone. I woke up, looked at my mom and said "do you think they have a snooze button on that thing"?

Then we got the whole routine talk of what to watch for, what to do, etc. And then she told me I have to go back tomorrow to get a shot to help my body make white blood cells, to combat the chemo that zaps the while blood cells, so the shot will help me to fight off infection better. I have to get the shot in my stomach/waist region . . . hmmm, wonder how that's going to feel?

I then had to go the store to get some addtional anti-nausea drugs. This process took much longer than it should have and I felt so bad because my mom, although she got the day off, ended up needing to go to work for a while and here we are running much later than we thought!!

Mom, if you read this, I love you so much and I'll never be able to thank you enough, or tell you how much it means to me, for you to be there with me . . . . Thank You!!!

They say that the side effects like nausea usually don't happen for a day or 2 and if the medicine works well, it might not happen at all. I'm feeling pretty good tonight, just very, very tired. But I am prepared, just incase . . . . I've got my anti-nausea drugs at my bedside, which I supposed to take at the slightest, very first signs of nausea. I also have a trash can with plastic bag in it . . . again, just incase. There is nothing worse than trying to get to the bathroom when you have to throw-up!!

Do you know how sometimes things are obvious but it really doesn't hit you until someone phrases it a certain way ? Well obviously chemo involves tough and potent drugs that you wouldn't want to mess with, unless your life depended on it . . cancer!! But something was said today that made me realize, that I'm a walking, talking, toxic chemical waste dump!!!!!!!! I wonder if under the right lighting conditions . . .would I glow?!?!?! just kidding again . . . I've got to try and kid a lot, one of these day's I may not appreciate even my own humor.

OK, I'm really pooped, so I'll get going for now.
Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Thursday Morning Moon 6/19/08

2008-06-19T05:55:00.001-07:00

Good Morning,

I did not get much sleep last night, oh maybe an hour or so. It is now almost 6am. I suppose it's to be expected since I'm probably a little nervous about starting chemo today!! I was just going to get up and say hi and bye to Rick as I don't ever see him in the mornings because he leaves by 5am. Well, I had a cup of coffee and then I looked out my office window. There it was, the full moon, heading toward the horizon. It was just beautiful and I wanted to share some photo of it with you. I don't think these pictures do it justice, but they are also the only proof that I really was up so early!! Maybe I'll get to sleep a little during my chemo treatment.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

Hugs,

Wendy

Chemo Starts Soon

2008-06-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,
I saw my oncologist yesterday. I left his office thinking I was going to start chemo next week on Thursday. My mom went with me and later she said something about me starting chemo this week. I said . . ummm, I thought they said next week, she said no, it's probably this week.

Well, I guess that's why it's good to have someone go with you on appts like this. They called me today and had me come in for an orientation type of class on the chemo treatment process. I asked her about when I was supposed to start chemo and she said "I have you scheduled for this Thursday at 11:20am". I just kind of went . . . oh, ok.

I've got to tell you that all the sudden I got kind of scared. For some reason thinking I had a little more than a week before it all started didn't seem so bad. Then all the sudden it's right there in my face . . . . Thursday . . . 2 days from today!!!

I went in for the orientation, then they sent me down for blood work, which I have to have done every 3 weeks before my chemo treatment. This is how they monitor many things on how my body is handling the chemo.

My mom is going to go with me on Thursday for the first treatment. They say you need a ride the first time because you just don't know how you may react to treatment. Some of the anti nausea drugs they give you can make you sleepy, etc. and you wouldn't want to drive if that happens.

The whole process is supposed to take about 3 1/2 hours. The nurse said the first one is usually the worst because people are also nervous, anxious and stressed because they are not sure of the whole process and what is going to happen exactly.

I know everyone reacts differently to chemo and to radiation as well. But it's also a little confusing because almost everyone says . . . "it's not that bad, they've come a long way, etc., etc.", then in the next breath I see a slide show about possible side effects.

Although they have lots of medicine to help combat many of these, it's still a little scary.

Fatigue is a big one and although I hear lots of people work through it, I also hear that some people cannot hardly function. The slide show said that people feel about 50-60% of normal during treatment and for a number of months after treatment is complete. To me having only 1/2 of my normal energy level is a biggie!!

Nausea & vomiting . . . these can, but really shouldn't be much of a concern. But if I do feel these, I just need to let them know so they can change my Anit-nausea medicine.

Mouth Sores . . . canker sores, thrush, etc., hmmm, sounds like fun.

Hair loss . . . I'm being very positive about this, but I'm sure that when my hair actually starts falling out that I am going to FREAK!!!!

Diarrhea and/or Constipation . . . . again there are lots of medicines that help these things, but still.

Blood Count . . .this is another biggie. Red blood cell count goes down . . . . possible anemia.
White blood cell count goes down . . . .more acceptable to infection and/or getting sick. And the Platelets, which are the blood clotting cells. . . . I may bruise easier, gums may bleed, etc.

OK, well there are more but those are the major ones. CRAP, I'm still not too sure about all this stuff!!

I go tomorrow for another hair cut, probably my last for a while. I just might have her cut it really, really short this time. I've heard it's not as traumatic to loose it when it's short, compared to when it's longer. And I can start loosing my hair as soon as 10 days after the first treatment or it can take longer . . . again, it's different for everyone.

I also finally see the dermatologist tomorrow for that cyst problem I mentioned in an earlier post. Seems like it has taken forever to get in to see them!!

Well, I think that's all for now. I'll write more after my treatment and let you know how it all went. I'll leave you now with this cute photo I took the other day.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Wild Mustang Story

2008-06-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

Any of you that really know me know that I have a real special thing for Wild Mustangs. Those of you that do not know me, well now you know that I have a very special thing for Wild Mustangs!!

I adopted a wild mustang about 8 years ago. "Cowboy" has been a very special part of my life. I did not have him for almost 2 years after a divorce, but I found him through a for sale ad and bought him back!! Talk about a cool story, still gives me goose bumps!!

I found a draft of a post about wild mustangs that I never did publish to this blog . . .but now I have even more to share with you, so it turned out to be a good thing.

I recently photographed some wild mustangs at a BLM (Bureau of Land Management) Adoption that was held at Ride the West. This is the 2nd one I've been able to get photos of and they are some of my all time favorite images. Here are a few of my favorites.

OK, now for the rest of the reason I wanted to write about mustangs. Below is a link to some very incredible images of an abandoned wild mustang foal and a wild mustang stallion who found and protected him. This photographer has many other beautiful images of wild mustangs so I encourage you to look at her website. BUT, first please read her story and view the images of the foal and the stallion. I'm not sure why, but when I looked at the images, I just started crying . . . I think it is just an amazing story!!

http://www.nickolesphotography.com/Images/Stallion-Foal/index.htm

Wendy

My Daughter Chelsea's Birthday

2008-06-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to make a special note today because it's Chelsea's 17th birthday!! Happy Birthday Sweetie, I love you so much!!
It also happens to be my paint mare, Spooky's birthday too . . she is 8 yrs old today. Chelsea has always thought it special, that she and Spooky share the same birthday. . . . Chelsea was just 9 yrs old when I got Spooky. Boy how time flies!!
Chelsea & Richard gave her and Cowboy an apple for her birthday!!

Not much else going on really. Next week will be a little busier. I see the oncologist on Monday . . . oh joy . . . I'm sure he'll schedule me to start chemo. Then on Wednesday I have a hair appointment, which may be my last one for a while. I don't know yet how soon the hair starts to go. Then I see the dermatologist on Wednesday also. Hopefully she will hook me up with something that will avoid any future problem cyst in the private regions :)
I don't know if I mentioned this before or not, but it took a while for me to realize that I probably won't just loose the hair on my head . . . duh, don't know what I was thinking, guess I just didn't know. I actually won't mind loosing hair in other places, that could be kind of nice. Not having to shave for a while, hmmm, not sure just how much will be effected. I'll have to remember to ask the doctor. If any of you know anything about this, please let me know.

I'm going to head over to my photo blog and write about some pictures I'm going to take this coming weekend. Trying to squeeze a couple more in while I can.

I hope you all have a good weekend and a GREAT Father's Day!!!!!!
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Adding Comments

2008-06-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

I've had a couple of people tell me that how to add comments to a post is not real clear. I hope I can explain this so it makes sense. For those of us that are new to Blogs and yes, I am one also, these things are not always real easy to figure out!!

After each post there is the word "Comments" with a number before it stating how many people have left a comment. If the number is 0, then no-one has commented yet.

If you want to post a comment click on Comments, it should open a new window and you can choose to either sign-in under your Google/Blogger account, just your name or anonymous.

PLEASE leave me some comments . . . even if it's just to let me know how the weather is where ever you are :)

Thank you and
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Horses & Kind Gestures

2008-06-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

Hello,
I wanted to write a 2nd post tonight about 2 other things. First is the episode I had with my mare yesterday and then about a very kind gesture a total stranger did for me :)

Spooky, is almost 8 years old. I bought her from the auction when she was just 3 months old and I've had her ever since. She is an awesome horse and I love her to death . . . . BUT I had a bit of a reality check yesterday and honestly I didn't like it at all.
Those of you that know me know I don't ride my horses and know that there are lots of different reasons why. I won't get into all that, I'd end up writing a book!! Anyway I also have a mustang gelding named Cowboy who will be 10 soon and I adopted him when he was about 2+ yrs old.

We had new neighbors move in a month or 2 ago. They have horses and yesterday they had them out in their yard area that joins our property. I had put my horses in a different area than usual so they could eat some grass and the electric fence is not turned on in this small pasture because they aren't there much so the grass can grow for them to eat later. Yesterday morning I heard Spooky squealing at Cowboy, I looked out the window and knew immediately that she was in heat. It happens once a month and Cowboy suddenly thinks he's a stallion again. She teases him, he responds and then she stomps her front foot and squeals at him!! Females, go figure!! he-he, just kidding :) I'm telling you this because I can only figure that the problem I had with her later was definitely due to her being in heat.
Late afternoon I look out the window and see the neighbors with their horses and Spooky at the fence line. Spooky is running back & forth and it just doesn't look like a good thing is going on. I went out there grabbing piece of twine on my way, I was not near the barn to get a halter and lead rope and usually all I would have to do is put the twine around her neck and lead her away. Well, NOT today!! She was ALL worked up, running the fence line, leaning over the fence and acting like she wanted to seriously go over it. This whole time Cowboy was over in their regular pasture area being a good boy, but when I went out there he came with me. The twine was not going the job and Spooky was not paying a bit of attention to me. The neighbor handed me over one of their lead ropes. I put it around her neck and over her nose and fought with her a minute or two and then it hit me . . . PAIN, until this moment I had forgotten that I just had surgery and that I shouldn't be out there doing this. But I had no choice, so I went and got some grain hoping I could coax her to follow me into the other pasture. Richard was outside watching me and I asked him to get Chelsea so she could help me. I also got a halter & lead rope when I got the grain. So Chelsea walked a little ahead of me with the grain and I had Spooky leading her in Chelseas' direction. Well, this worked and we got her and Cowboy in the other area where the fence was supposed to be working. It was not, so I walked it and found a spot where the deer go through and knock the wire loose sometimes. I finally got hit working and she did touch it. Not real good, but enough to let her know it was on. She continued to run around, making all kinds of noise. Chelsea gave them hay for me and I just had to walk away.
By this time I was exhausted and hurting really good. I was also very upset at Spooky and VERY upset that I was not able, because of the surgery, to handle her the way I should have, the way I wanted to and the way she deserved. All this meaning to run her butt in circles or what ever it took till she was going to pay attention to me. She did not win, but it was much worse than it should have been. I was also surprised that she was acting this way, even in heat, it just wasn't like her.

I came inside and honestly all I wanted to do was go to bed and cry and I almost did, but I had dinner to fix and things to do. Which was probably better than going to bed and crying anyway. But I did write about 3 emails to people I know asking if they might want to "free lease" her. She has great potential, but I haven't been able to do anything with her since she was broke to ride 4 years ago!! She needs some training and some to love and work with her. She could be a totally awesome horse with a little work and time. I struggle with feeling bad about her just "wasting away" as my pet and all my great intentions of doing stuff with her just doesn't work out.
Now that I have breast cancer and will be going through chemo this summer & fall, I'm sure I won't be able to do much with her AGAIN. And although I got through yesterday with her, what if something like that had happened after my first surgery or later when I'm tired or sick from chemo or ??? This is reality stuff and it scares me. Horses are big powerful animals and if they get freaked out or real excited about something, you've got to be able to handle the situation. The idea of not being physically able to handle her in a less than perfect situation really scares me and causes me to question things.

I am getting very tired, so I'm going to cut this short. I do want to thank a very special person and she will know who I'm talking about if she reads this. She suggested to a group of people who belong to a forum I'm a member of . . . to send me a copy of their favorite movie on DVD. She said it was done for her sister while she was going through recovery from surgery & chemo due to breast cancer. So she tries to do this for others in the same situation. She said the movies are great when you are having a chemo treatment and when you're at home and not able to do much. I think this was a very, very nice gesture and I greatly appreciate it and thank her very much!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Friday June 6,2008 Follow-up wth Surgeon

2008-06-06T18:56:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,
I had my 1 week follow-up visit with the surgeon today. He said all the test came back benign on the additional tissue/muscle he took out last week. No cancer cells and no pre-cancer cells. This is GREAT news!!
Actually I don't know if it's from the surgeries I've had and the pain pills or what but I am just not as "on top" of things as I usually am. I told my daughter that they may want to scan my brain to make sure everything is OK there, 'cuz, I've been a little ditsy lately!! So with that said, I honestly had not even thought about possible test results on the new tissue he took. It did not hit me until 2 days ago that "crap, it could come back positive for cancer"!!!!!! Luckily I've been too busy to think about it much and was relieved when I saw him today. He said he left me a voice mail on my cell phone 2 days ago, which I never got until I got back in the car and called my voice mail and Yep, there was a message there from Wednesday from the surgeon!!

I did talk to him about the 2 different types of pain I am having. The 2nd and 3rd days after surgery were pretty good, not much pain unless I moved the wrong way. 4th & 5th day especially were worse. 6th day was better until I had to manhandle my unruly mare, more on that later. And today, the 7th day is back & forth, but this evening it's been hurting pretty good.

The first kind of pain is different from the last surgery in that it's a burning sensation behind my breast. It didn't start until the 4th day and the 5th day was real bad, constant burn sensation. As I headed to bed that night I kept thinking of the saying "feel the burn", "feel the burn". I didn't even have to do anything for this to hurt, it was just there constantly. The second kind of pain was a stinging burn that ran from just below my breast, up the right side, through my armpit and down the inside of my arm about 4 inches.

The doc said that the burn is because he had to take quite a chunk of muscle from my chest wall area behind my breast, along with extra skin from the surface of my breast. The other pain that runs up to my arm pit and then down my arm is probably from a nerve that he nicked during surgery. He said it would eventually go away.
These things all hurt without doing anything and then there is my breast and incision that are a whole other story.
Just so you have a bit of a visual and it might help some of the things I say make more sense . . . the cancer tumor was in my right breast. The first surgery there was an incision under my armpit where he removed lymph nodes and an incision on the right side of my breast, running from my armpit towards my nipple, but only about 2+ inches long. This second surgery he went into the original incision on my breast, but needed to take some of the skin around it, so it's longer in length and runs all the way to my nipple now. Keep in mind I don't have much breast to begin with, so an incision like this on someone with normal size breast might only run half way to the nipple.
So luckily my breast & incision only hurt if they are touched or jolted. If I walk to fast or drive over a bump or that kind of thing . . it hurts. I'm naturally pretty protective of it when someone gives me a hug or something like that. The only 2, or 3 that have actually hurt it by touching it are my cat, Trouble, my nieces dog, Scout & ME!! Oh and I've been getting some sharp shooting pain in there the last couple of days too. I wonder if that's from the nicked nerve??

Some of this may be boring for some of you, but I think this is part of what my blog is all about. If anything I share with you helps you or anyone else to know more about this and what things can and sometimes do happen, then it's all good.

I have an appt with my oncologist on June 16th. So I am sure that is when I'll find out about starting chemo.

Okee-dokee, that's it for this post. I will write more in a bit about some different things including my ordeal with my horse yesterday!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

LIFE POEM

2008-06-03T21:18:00.000-07:00

I want to share this poem and image with you. I don't think you will be able to read the words so I will write them below. I wrote the poem in 2002 and it has been used and helpful on several occasions, with the latest being my diagnosis of breast cancer. The image of the horse is one of my horses and her name is Spooky. I took this photo of her in March of this year.

I gave a framed copy of this to the ladies at the imaging center after they had been so very nice and helpful while I was getting my ultrasound and biopsy done. They really liked it and it is now hanging in their waiting room area for all to see!!

Life
Life and the many paths
it leads you down,
with it's never ending twists and turns,
can be to say the least,
difficult at times.
Do not spend too much time
trying to figure it all out,
or it will certainly be
the cause of your madness.
Instead, take it as it comes,
one day at a time or if needed,
one minute at a time.
Give life and all that it brings you,
the best of your best,
while continuing to
have Faith and Hope.
Continue to dream, if you do not,
you will be lost, wondering aimlessly.
Pursue your dreams and believe.
Believe and know,
there will be peace in your life.
Wendy

Momma's Bed

2008-06-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

Mom, thank you for the comment you left on my previous post. I love you dearly!! It did remind me of something and I thought I'd write a little about it. And I won't be surprised if many others are able to relate!!

I have to drive to town 25 minutes each way, to take the kids to school in the mornings. My daughter starts school at 8am and my step-son starts school a little later. Luckily my mom lives close to the school he goes to, so each morning we go visit her and have coffee with her before I take him to school. After my 1st surgery my husband was home and able to take care of everything and he did a GREAT job, thank you honey!! This time he is working, so I have to take the kids to school and pick them up, etc. Luckily this 2nd surgery wasn't as bad as the first and I am able to do this AND this is the last week of school!!!

Well, come Monday morning I was very tired, I hadn't slept very well the night before and getting me out the door was tough. My daughter has her driving permit so she has been actually doing the driving which is great. We got her to school and then went to mom's for coffee. After I took my step-son . . . I don't really like the "step" part of that so I will refer to him as just my son from now on. Anyway, after I took him to school I went back to mom's so I could take a nap before heading back home. I was so tired I really didn't know if I could or should make the drive.

I climbed into her bed and I remember thinking and almost said to her. . ."why is a mom's bed always so comfortable"? It really was so soft and comfortable and Scout the little dog snuggled up with me and before I knew it I was out like a light!!

I remember my kids always telling me that my bed was much more comfortable than theirs. They loved laying in my bed and it seemed to give them a great deal of comfort.

It's funny that here I am, just turned 47 years old and I still think my mom's bed is the most comfy and it still brings me a great deal of comfort.

Thanks mom for letting me nap in the most comfy bed in the world "momma's bed".

I love you,

Wen

Welcome to my new Blog

2008-06-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

While some of you know what it going on in my life, others of you do not. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in early April 2008. This of course is a major life changer as it effects every aspect of my life and those of my family & friends.

I have been thinking about doing a blog to document my journey with Breast Cancer. I wasn’t real sure about this, but I’ve been highly encouraged to do it. This will be a great way for me to journal my experience, while sharing it with others. I will probably replace my group e-mail with blog entries. You can sign up to receive notice every time someone, including me, adds a post or comment. Right now I’m doing e-mails and a journal, so I’m going to try to combine them all into one . . . the blog.
I think this will be one great source of support for me as I go through the months ahead. You have all been very encouraging & supportive and I thank you very much. Please continue to communicate with me and leave lots of comments on my Blog.
I’m going to backup just a bit to record things that have happened since being diagnosed and up until today. There is going to be more detail in this and future post than have been in the e-mails. It may be some interesting reading. . When you have nothing else to do. Then I will add new post as things happen. I will also incorporate some of my photography into this blog, sharing images with you as I go along.
WARNING: Hmm, I’m not sure how much detail I will include in my post, but I’m thinking it may be a bit more than what has been in my e-mails. If at any time you do not want to receive notice of new posts etc., please just let me know. I understand that not everyone will want to know all the details of this.
Also, this first post will be quite lengthy.

Early March 2008 - I felt a small lump in my right breast. I do not do self exams ever, but for some reason (God) on this day I did. I continued to feel it and wonder about it for a few weeks. Is it really a lump or has it always been there. No, it was different enough that it had me a little concerned. So I went to my doctor and had an exam. Yes, she felt it too and she wrote papers for me to have a mammogram done.

March 28, 2008 - I had my mammogram done. After viewing the initial images they wanted more pictures. After looking at the additional images, they wanted me to have an ultrasound. I was lucky that they were able to take me down for the ultrasound right away.
After the ultrasound the doctor came in and told me that when viewing my mammo results his concern on a scale of 1-10 was about a 5, but after seeing the ultrasound his concern level jumped to about a 9. He wanted me to schedule a biopsy, so I did.
Oh great, I went home and kind of played things down. I told Rick it didn’t look good, but not to worry. I was scheduled for a biopsy. My first reaction is to try and protect the one’s I love. So I did not tell them everything and played it down a bit. Rick has had 3 close family members die from cancer and although I knew that if I had cancer it would not end that way, but I still hated the thought of telling him, knowing what he’s gone through in the past. I later found out that my efforts to try to protect him and keep him from worrying didn’t work. He later told me he knew better!!

April 2, 2008 – I had my biopsy done. They said it went really well and they were able to get some really good tissue samples. It was not the most pleasant experience, but it wasn’t too bad either. This was a Wednesday and we were hoping for test results by Friday.

April 7, 2008 – Monday – I didn’t get test results on Friday. The weekend was pretty rough . . . waiting . . . I tried to sleep a lot and keep busy. About 10am this morning I started making phone calls. No-one had any test results yet. I thought I’d go nuts, the waiting was crazy. I was pretty sure what the results would be, but I didn’t want to tell anyone anything until the “test results” were in.
4:00PM - My doctor called me . . . I have Breast Cancer. I know she told me what kind, etc., but after getting off the phone all I remembered was that “I have breast cancer”.

April 8, 2008 – Tuesday – I had an appointment scheduled with a surgeon, just in case it turned out to be cancer. I had my appointment with Dr Holman today. Mom went with me and Brenda met us up there. He seems like a really nice man and seems to know his stuff.
I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The tumor is small, under 2 cm, which is good. He doesn’t think any lymph nodes are involved, but during surgery he will remove some and have them tested to make sure. It’s a medium grade cancer with 3 being the best and 9 being the worst I am a 6. The test came back negative for hormone receptors which are worse than if it had been positive. The whole hormone receptor thing is still a little confusing, but I’m learning more. They are still waiting on further test results for something called HER/ (something).
I’m scheduled for an MRI next Wednesday. Before then I have to get all my blood test done, a chest x-ray and an EKG. Then on Thursday I will meet with Dr Homan again to discuss further results and probably schedule the surgery. The plan right now is to have a lumpectomy and then radiation treatment. The radiation treatment will be once a day, Monday thru Friday for 6 weeks.

April 16, 2008 – Wednesday - Today I went and had my MRI. Now I am done with test and I see Dr. Holman tomorrow. I’m anxious to see him and see if any of the tests showed anything new and to also get a surgery date scheduled. I want to talk to him and see if I’m being realistic about being able to do Ride the West. Heck, even if he told me I might not be able to, I’m sure I wouldn’t listen, but I just want to know what he has to say about it.

April 17, 2008 – Thursday - Had my appointment with Dr Holman today. Thankfully all my test came back great, no additional problems showed up!!
We have surgery scheduled for Thursday, April 24th @ 12:30pm. I have to be at the imaging center by 8:45am to start getting prepped for surgery.
I guess they have to put some wires in my breast to mark the tumor for the surgeon. Then I get some kind of injection 2 hours before surgery to help find the sentinel node during surgery. The Dr also injects some blue dye stuff during surgery to help find the sentinel node so he can remove it and a few others to have them checked for cancer. I should be home by dinner time. I’m hoping he gives me some good drugs so I can just sleep a lot.
I’m not supposed to do much for about a week after surgery and especially cannot use my right arm for much and cannot lift it over my shoulder. I found out that I can wait to start radiation for 2-4 weeks after surgery. This is great because then I can get the northwest trail challenge & RTW done before starting radiation!!

April 21, 2008 – Monday – OK, so, as if breast cancer is not enough . . . . . . I went to see Katie (my doctor) about a swollen cyst in my groin area that was just killing me. She couldn’t do anything for me but thought it should be lanced and that I should call my surgeon to see what he thought about it.
I called Dr Holman and he wanted me to come in so he could look at it. He said it needed to be lanced and if I didn’t get that done then he would have to postpone my surgery that is scheduled for Thursday. I knew this was not going to be pleasant but that I needed to do it so I could have surgery on Thursday.
I have to say that it was the most !@#$%^&* painful thing I’ve ever experienced. The nurse had a hold of my arms/hands and was kind of holding me down. I was literally screaming about how much it hurt. Mom came over to stand by me and wipe my tears and tell me it would be ok. I know it was really hard for her to see me in such pain. I swear I will NEVER have that done again!!!! The actual lancing I did not feel, it was the many, many red hot poker feeling needle pokes for numbing it that just about put me through the roof!! The numbness lasted for several hours, but when it wore off it was hurting pretty good. The incision is about 2 inches long and he removed the layer of skin that was the top of the cyst and was about the size of a dime. It has to be packed with gauze so it can heal from the inside out and that has to be changed 2 times a day.
April 24, 2008 – Thursday - SURGERY DAY
The first part of this day was NO fun at all. I had to go to the imaging center to get the nuclear injection, which is a radioactive material they inject in my breast. It travels through the lymph nodes and they use a Geiger counter to locate and follow its path during surgery so they know which lymph nodes to take and test. They inject this stuff in 4 different places around the nipple. Each time they inject it there is about 1 minute of pretty painful bee stinging feelings . . . not fun!! Then they had to insert a very thin wire into my breast and through the tumor to help the surgeon locate it during surgery. Then they took more mammogram images. All of this took about 2 hours and by the time they were done I was NOT feeling good at all shaky, weak, a horrendous headache & feeling nauseas. Rick drove me across the street to the hospital and he had to stop so I could open the door and throw up. I was a bit shaky & weak feeling after that, but still felt better than before.
They got me prepped for surgery and the next thing I know I’m waking up in recovery. The surgery went well. He removed the cancer and 4 lymph nodes to test.
Dr. Holman said the cancer was bigger than they originally thought. This could be enough difference to warrant chemo, but he won’t know until he gets more tests back and has a chance to talk with the oncologist and discuss the treatment options. I have an appt with Holman next Thursday and I’m sure that’s when I’ll know more.
My breast & under arm are hurting pretty good. I can’t imagine what it would be like without the pain pills. The incision under my arm pit is about 4 inches long and I was told that this would probably hurt worse than the one on my breast.

May 1, 2008 - Thursday - 1 week after surgery
I had my follow up visit today. Dr Holman said everything looks really good. The caner is NOT in my lymph nodes and that is GREAT!!!
The tumor was bigger than he thought though. It is NOT hormone related. There is a chance I might have to have Chemo. I will be meeting with the oncologist to discuss my treatment plan options soon.

May 7, 2008, Wednesday-almost 2 weeks after surgery. My breast, armpit & incisions are still very sore. I can do more with my right arm, but I am still very limited. It’s very frustrating and I just want it to get better!!

May 14, 2008 – Wednesday - I met with Dr Samuels. He is my medical oncologist. I was fully expecting to talk about the possibility of chemotherapy, but I was not prepared for talking about maybe needing to get a mastectomy!!
He wants to talk to Dr Holman & the pathologist to confirm some test results and then he’ll let me know if he thinks I should have a mastectomy.
Chemo will involve 6 treatments, one every 3 weeks. This means it will be about 4 months of treatment with me getting weaker as each treatment goes by. If the fatigue from chemo is all I have to deal with I will be lucky, but it will be enough to probably mess up my photo schedule.
As soon as I know about the mastectomy I plan to e-mail several of my show/event people and let them know that I may not be able to photograph their shows. This is really a bummer for me, I’ve worked so hard for this and this is my busiest schedule ever!!
I’m trying to be positive and maybe I’ll be able to do more than I think, but I’ve also got to be realistic and 10-14 hour days on my feet shooting a horse show, probably isn’t going to be possible after a treatment or 2. Plus I’m not sure just how brave I’ll be to get out there and strut my stuff after my hair falls out!!
Talking about chemo before was one thing, then sitting in the cancer center yesterday and seeing a couple of women wearing ball caps because they have very little to no hair, well that was a dose of reality.
I had a funny feeling after surgery that this wasn’t all going to be as easy as originally thought. I expected Dr Holman to give me bad news, but it wasn’t until I saw Dr Samuels that I got it. Well, at least possible bad news. Uggghhh, I really don’t like the thought of a mastectomy, really don’t, really don’t!!

May 15, 2008 – Thursday - Tomorrow, Friday the 16th Chelsea and I are going to Spokane for Ride the West. I’m so glad she is going with me and I hope we are going to have a real good time together. I’m going to give her one of my cameras and set her loose taking pictures. We’ll stay at the hotel Friday and Saturday night and then come home Sunday night when it’s all over. So, starting tomorrow I am going to try and not think or talk about all this cancer stuff. I just want to totally get into Ride the West and have a blast and then I’ll get back to “life” next week!!
It’s really weird but I still feel like I’m not talking about myself and I’m having a hard time getting a grip that all of this is really happening to ME, to me, to me, to me. Maybe it’s a safety catch. Maybe if or when it really totally hits me, I’m going to lose it and I don’t look forward to that.
I still totally believe that God has a plan; I just have no clue as to what it is!! I was talking to Him this morning and asked Him to keep holding my hand through all of this and lead me in the right directions.

May 20, 2008 - Tuesday
I had a great time at Ride the West and it was so nice to have Chelsea there with me. I really enjoyed her company and she was a great help too. It’s been 3 weeks since I had surgery, but doing this event just kicked my butt. I can’t imagine what it would be like while going through chemo.
So, as hard as it is, I have decided to cancel almost all of the shows/events that I have scheduled for the rest of the year. This is going to be really hard for me because it’s my busiest season so far, but I don’t know how I’ll be feeling and I don’t want to be stressing over wondering if I’ll be able to do it or not. I also don’t want to leave anyone hanging at the last minute, so I want to give them plenty of notice to find another photographer if that’s what they choose to do. I need to spend the next however many months on doing what I need to do to get rid of this cancer. Then I can hit it hard again next year.

May 23, 2008 – Friday -

Hello Everyone, I’m having a bad day today and it reminds me that I wanted to warn you all about something
WARNING:
I’m trying to have a positive attitude about all of this and most days I am positive, but occasionally I am NOT!! I want to apologize in advance for the upcoming days when I may have a bad attitude and some dry & sarcastic humor to go along with it. Please forgive me and try to understand. Please know if you ever want me to take you off my “group e-mail” all you have to do is ask, I won’t take it personal and I will understand. I still don’t know if this “group” e-mail is a good idea, but lots of you tell me it is and even if you never write me back (which is truly ok), it’s nice for me to be able share things with you all.
I got my hair cut pretty short yesterday, (although my mom thought it would be even shorter), but I love, love, love it. I was it, put in some moose and comb through and in 5 seconds I’m done!! Doesn’t get much easier than this and it looks cute too!! I’ll have Chelsea take a picture of it and I’ll send it out so you can see me before it’s all gone!!
I had my big horse event “Ride the West” this last weekend. I’ve attached a photo of me and Chelsea. The lady that puts this on is Susan Rae and she is totally awesome. Saturday was Tough Enough to Wear Pink day, promoting of all things . . . Breast Cancer Awareness. So lots of people were wearing pink in support of this. I was going to buy a pink t-shirt from the 4-h girls, but their order did not arrive in time for RTW, so I bought a hat instead. Just FYI for those of you who do not know . . . Tough Enough To Wear Pink is sponsored by Wrangler and most Rodeo’s and/or horse events have 1 day that they designate to promote this. Anyway, on Saturday Susan Rae found me and said she had something for me and she wanted to trade golf carts because they had decorated this one pretty with the flowers just for me & Chelsea!!
I almost forgot about what I was writing to tell you all . . . I have to have a 2nd surgery to remove more tissue from my breast and that will happen next week on Friday the 30th. The oncologist likes to have a larger margin (good tissue) around the cancer and my first surgery didn’t have hardly any margin around it. It’s mostly because I don’t really have more tissue to take, so the surgeon will be taking some skin & muscle this time. The oncologist just wants to make sure they got it all and didn’t leave any of the tumor cells in there. I still think this is better than needing a full mastectomy and I’ll be real happy if that never has to happen. Ok, it’s getting late and I’ve been working on photos from last weekend and I’m tired.
Hope you are all doing well and I’ll write again when there is more info.
Love & Hugs,
Wendy

May 27, 2008 – Tuesday - Hello everyone,
Tonight was Matthew’s (my son) high school graduation. It was a very long but nice ceremony. I am totally wiped out but wanted to share a couple of pictures with you all. One reason is to show you my hair cut that I said I was going to get, (my mom thinks I should go shorter) and also to show off my 3 youngest kids, Jessi, Matthew & Chelsea. I think the last time we all got our pictures taken together was about 4+ years ago. The only one missing is Mitch, my oldest, who lives in Colorado . . . maybe I should Photoshop him in?!?!?!?!

It’s going to be a busy week and I have surgery on Friday. I may not write again until after that and let you know how surgery went and if there are any new developments.

Jessi, Matthew, Me & Chelsea
I hope you all had a great Memorial Day!
Hugs,
Wendy

May 31, 2008 – Saturday -
I had surgery yesterday, May 30th and everything went really well.
At first I did not believe the doctor when he told me this would not be as bad as the last time, because yesterday I felt pretty bad, but now I do believe him because I feel a lot better today. Since there were no lymph nodes involved with this surgery, I still have almost full use of my right arm and one less area that hurts from being cut.
He did take out some muscle behind my breast and if or when I move just right, boy oh boy can I feel it. And of course the incision is very, very sore, but luckily it doesn’t get touched much.
I have a follow up visit with the surgeon next Friday and I see my oncologist 2 weeks from this coming Monday. Things should be pretty quiet until then, as that is when I’ll find out when I start chemo. I do have a feeling that I will be starting it right away, which is fine with me. The sooner I start, the sooner I’ll be done.
I hope you are all having a great weekend!!
Love & Hugs,
Wendy